5.  Every year my wife makes us dye eggs, which we then just throw away. What a total waste of time and egg.

4. People who take Good Friday off. It’s not a holiday, scumbags.

3. Easter bonnets, dresses, hats, outfits and every other stupid dress-up thing broads do.

2.  The way it’s determined when Easter is each year is appallingly stupid and antiquated: The date for Easter shifts every year within the Gregorian Calendar.Easter falls on the first Sunday following the first ecclesiastical full moon that occurs on or after the day of the vernal equinox;Seriously? It’s 2012 for God’s sake (pun intended), let’s call it the first Sunday of April and be done with it. Christ will come back when he’s ready, folks, not when you serve ham to a party of 12.

1.  The fact that it’s on a Sunday and, therefore, does not give us any time off from work. 

Honorable Mentions: 

Tulips and the Easter Lily. Dumb flowers

That stupid green grass people use to fill up their dumb kids Easter baskets.

Public venues that hold Easter egg hunts that have no business doing so. Like my private     Country Club. What the hell is that?

People who take their children to the mall to get a picture with the Resurrection Bunny. He’s not Santa Clause, he’s a rodent. Get a tetanus shot when you’re done, kids.

All Easter candy that isn’t a Cadbury Crème egg. You can’t just make a snicker’s bar in the shape of an oval and call it an Easter Snicker’s egg, or color M&M’s pink and purple and call them Easter M&M’s, they’re not…there’s nothing different about them.

The debate every year over whether or not Peeps are awesome. Who cares? Don’t we have real problems on this planet to argue over? Do you really think the victims of Joseph Kony care about Peeps? 

5. It is the reason to go out and buy a new outfit

4.  Everything in EGG form

3. FAMILY

2.  How religious people become on that day

1.  CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!

Honorable Mentions: 

The Easter Bunny

Easter Egg Hunts

All the STUPID decorations