Why Men Are So Cute
3 days later....
|MEN AND THEIR BATHING SUITS|
Crap with Summer just around the corner it’s time to get an eye full! Between the tight ass bottoms that expose waaaaaaay too much, ya know what I am talking about here ladies, you are hanging out with your girls enjoying a little sun you look over at the guy laying there with one of his balls fully hanging out cause well like a said before he squeezed himself in those puppies to begin with, its kinda like sausage trying to get out of its skin, to the baggy butt crack swim shorts that display a tubby belly perfectly, I am not sure which one I am more excited to see! But again this is one of the reasons we find you boys so dang cute!
|MEN AND THEIR TANS|
Oh yeaaaah get him naked and it’s like he is wearing a white polo shirt and socks!! But what’s worse the aforementioned tan lines or the guy that fake and bakes so much his skin is more of an orange color but his hands are still white! Or how about the dude that’s get sunburned and is picking the skin off constantly so he looks like a snake shedding its skin ughhhhh so gross and you end up finding that damn dead skin EVERYWHERE, the floor, the counters on the kitchen table…but hey you this is what makes you adorable!!
|MEN AND BOATS|
Rob has always said the biggest waste of money is buying a boat, yet you boys either have one, want one or make friends with someone who has one! Now if you own one, it seems 2 things either happen you wash, polish and shine that damn thing ALL the time, put it on display in front of your house so all the other boys can drool, if your single it’s your go to pick up line, hey sweetie want to go boating, yeah for the first 20 times its fun now what are we gonna do!! Or you kept saying how much you wanted one until your wife finally broke down and said fine go get it, and it ends up just sitting there never to be used with a For Sale sign eventually on it!! You boys are so funny it’s cute!!
|MEN AND THEIR OBSESSION WITH NOSE HAIR|
This seems to start as soon as they hit 30! They are constantly looking in the mirror to see if their nose hairs are showing and asking you “do I have nose hair, no really look is that a hair.” Like we want to look up your nasty snot noses!! They pick and poke non stop reaching deep inside to pull that nose hair, that ONE nose hair! And then for some reason all of a sudden they just let that nose hair hang out, one turns to two until there is like a bush and their snot is clumped up on the hair, and their like “what, oh I didn’t even notice.” You boys are so silly!
|THE MIDLIFE CRISIS|
This is the doozy! They join Hair club for Men but if they already have hair they start to style it like they are 20! If they can afford it they get the cliché of a sports car, if they can’t afford it they strut their stuff at car shows!! You see then walking in the gym, towel around the shoulders, eyeing all the young things who won’t give them the time of day unless they flash their Rolex!! They all of a sudden want to ‘catch a wave’ or ‘get crazy on the slopes with a snowboard.’ It’s silly and sad all rolled in one, but you gotta love them for wanting to grasp on to youth just one more time, so young girls out there the next time you see a man who could be your dad or grandpa in a new sports car with Steely Dan blasting out the speakers and bling bling on one ear, give em a wink and shake your boobies for them but don’t get too sexy their older tickers may not be able to handle it!!!
|THEIR STOCK MARKET KNOWLEDGE|
Bull, Bear, Shares, high, low, sell, buy…me man…me own stocks…me own bonds…me own ALLLLLLL…GRRRRRRR!! As little boys they had their baseball cards to show off and trade, now as men they have their Stocks!! “So Bill, I hear that Pepsi is gonna be huge this year already bought a billion shares…”Really Steve, well I can do you better, I just bought Silver, yep Gold is dead and Silver is where we are headed my friend mark my words.” Blah, blah, blah...we love ya and our glad you found a way to gamble without going to Vegas!!!!
|MEN AND THEIR BASEBALL CARDS|
Yeppers you know exactly what I am talking about here ladies!!!!!! If you are a wife or a girlfriend you have seen the box upon box upon box of baseball cards in the garage. Yes just sitting there doing nothing. Value? Maaaaybe 1 card or two! But the THOUSANDS of others, well that would be a BIG NO!!! Well unless you count all the stale hard gum that’s gotta be worth something!!! If you don’t already know, don’t even ask your man to open the cards as they gather dust in their little plastic packaging, the look on his face is as if you cut off one of his fingers! The cards they will tell you are worth more untouched, but remember maybe 1 or 2 of the cards they have even have value??!!!!!! You might be tempted to seem interested by saying ‘hey babe why don’t you take these puppies to a card show and collect some dough?’ But don’t give into your temptation to present logic, this is where men decide to be emotional, they will say how they can’t wait to pass these cards onto their boy, even if you have all girls they will find something to say like they will pass them on their son in law or grandson someday!!! Then they will start rambling off the players runs, balls, bunts, grunts blah blah blah…..Look the best thing to do is just laugh on the inside find a corner you don’t care about in the garage and let those things sit there for eternity!!!
|MEN AND THEIR OBSESSION WITH SUPERHEROES|
Seriously I thought this was something men would grow out of, I mean you don’t see grown women getting all excited about Barbie!! But as we learned as children we women do mature sooner!!! Trust me any other time a man sees a man with tights and a cape they think its weird but put a big ‘S’ on the front or have spider webs coming out of the wrists and all of a sudden it’s a Super Hero!!! Hey look at me I am faster than a speeding bullet, uhh no your not! Look I totally get the appeal for little kids, its all about imagination and dreaming you can actually be a Superhero and have all these powers, totally cool and fun for kids. Yes for KIDS!! As a grown man you are not going to have a batmobile with your best buddy ‘Robin’ driving along side of you as you try and find your enemy that comes from a deck of cards….The Joker!! But hey this is just one of the things that make you men so dang adorable. Oh look it’s a bird, it’s a plane…….no really its just a bird and a plane!!!
|MEN AND THE WAY THEY TALK CRAP ABOUT SPORTS ANNOUNCERS|
As women we have learned that every man who isn’t a professional athlete is a man who wishes he had become a professional athlete!!! Once they have come to grips with the fact that they aren’t going to set any sports records they settle in nicely to just becoming fanatical sports fans!!! Not just a fan though, a critic. Especially a critic of Sports Announcers. You see I have thought about this and deep inside I believe men are man enough to admit they really weren’t good enough for Professional sports, but announcing that’s a whole new ballgame!! This my friends is where they all believe they are better than the guys announcing the games and they either have missed their calling or they just haven’t been given the opportunity yet!! Play close attention next time your man is watching a sporting event, this is what you will hear coming out of his mouth at least a hundred times ‘ stupid announcer’, ‘damn he doesn’t know what the hell he is talking about’, ‘are you kidding me what a loser doesn’t even know the right stats,’ oh for crying out loud you got the play wrong’, ‘shit I could so do this job in my sleep!!” and then ladies do right by them and just smile and nod politely as you give them their soda pop!!!
|MEN AND THEIR HAIR|
Recently my husband shaved his gotee. I find him to be sexy with or without it so I didn’t have a horse in this race!!! It had been at least a good 9 years since he had had a clean shaven face but he knows his hair grows super fast so if he didn’t like it no big deal he would have his gotee back in a week!!! This did get me thinking though about men and hair. Hair is a tricky thing for men, they either don’t know when to call it quits, you know the comb over or the no hair on the top of the head but the sides or no hair on the head but a pony tail, now that’s a cool look!!! Or they obsess and have more hair products than a chick! Or they think because they are a man, it’s okay to have nose hairs popping out, ear hair that is like a bush or chest hair coming out of their shirts!! Here’s what really gets me, you know the guy who barley has a beard or mustache and trims like a tiny bit of it and then asks, does this look better? And you are thinking yes oh yes those 2 hairs made all the difference in the world!! How about the guy who says man my forehead is big and your like well actually no it’s just that you have lost your hair up front!!!! Now of course it’s because we love you that we get a little kick out of this and you know it is just one of the many many things that make you so super cute to us gals!!!!
|MEN AND THEIR VEHICLES|
Vroooooom, vroooooooom, vroooooooooooooom, that’s right rev it up!! Go faster, faster, faster, take that turn like the man you are!!!! Holy gamoly you gents are seriously entertaining to watch when it comes to your love of vehicles! Big cars, small cars, sports cars, huge ass trucks, the classics..blah blah whatever vehicle it is you place waaaaaaaay too much value on it, I know I know it’s in your DNA and you can’t help it!! Oh shit is that a scratch? Is that a smudge? Is that some dust? Geez it’s been 2 hours since you have washed that thing you best get to it! Oh lord and the rules of what isn’t allowed in the vehicle, no drinks, no food heaven for bid a drop of soda hits the floor of a CAR! Ladies although we are tempted to say to them, “you know it’s ONLY a car,” we must remember it’s like apart of their identity as a human being and we just gotta love em for it!!
|OLD MEN AROUND YOUNG WOMEN|
This is HILARIOUS, HILARIOUS, HILARIOUS!! They puff their chests out, suck in their guts and all of a sudden have a swagger, really are you kidding me! And of course they so try to come off as so worldly around the young ladies, hey baby ever been to Canada? Ya know I went to China once on a business trip….alrighty goodie for you!! Okay so it is super sad for the old men who don’t have money cause truly all they get to do is drool and look, no touchy, touchy. Now for the old men with the cash flow, they get to pretend that this smoken hot 20 year old desires them, respects them and “gets them” pleeeeeeeeeeease, what she gets is that you have a lot of cash to spend on her, she is no fool!! I know I know she not only makes you feel younger but you are dressing younger too, hey guess what everyone can still see that you are old, just now you are old wearing your baseball cap to the side!! Really it’s okay to grow up, but hey we love ya anyway!!
|MEN AND THEIR MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS|
Alright so obviously not ever guy goes thru this, but if you were a dude with the dream of becoming a Rock Star but only got as far as the garage, oh man super bummer!! These type of guys will NEVER part with their guitar or drum set and they will keep the dream alive by either doing Karaoke, finding some other dudes to jam with on the weekends, finding a bar that will let them jam on the weekends, or going to concerts EVERY weekend with their concert t-shirt doing the air guitar down in the pit!! They will tell you the same stories about how they had a chance at fame, who they met in the music biz, who they have partied with etc..blah blah..I so believe in dreams and going for your dreams but dudes the 80’s are over, we already had a group called Ratt!!
|MEN AND THEIR JOKES/BEING FUNNY|
Yes okay even I as a fantastic female can admit that there are a lot more hysterically funny male comedians as opposed to female, however that is not where I am going with this!! Guys in general want to be funny, sadly only a small percentage actually are! But ladies listen to me VERY carefully, men get super upset if you don’t laugh at their jokes or laugh when they are trying to be funny. You see their male buddies can tell them they suck all day long, but if a girl tells them they suck, that is such a crusher, hey all they need is one little giggle from a gal, boy that is heaven for them!! So the next time you are around a guy who is telling a really bad joke badly, in your head you can be thinking how you so want to be taking a nap right now, but as soon as they hit the punch line, look at them giggle and say daaaaaang you are sooooo funny!!!!
Okay, so there's my new list of Men that are just too cute and don't really understand what it's like to be a man. Email me to tell me what you think about these silly men!