Arnie's Anti-Gift Guide
The holidays are here and there is NOTHING that you can do about it. But guys I am actually here to help you this holiday season. I am here to not only make sure that you get the little lady things that she may want, but also things that will keep you out of trouble. Here are a few tips to make sure your holiday isn't ruined by you trying to do the right thing.
1. Exercise equipment. I know that in the past we have joked about giving your girl a gym membership and how she will take it. Saying things like, "Do you think I'm fat?" or "Do you think I need to loose weight?" Even if you try to say that you are buying the equipment for US it still won't work and will ruin your Christmas.
2. Make-up. NEVER EVER EVER get them make-up. This is such a mistake mainly because you don't know what in the hell she uses, and lets face it you don't care. But you won't get it right and you will be hammered for that. Not to mention I guarantee that you will hear, "Am I not pretty enough for you?" or "Do you think that I look bad?" This is just something you should stay away from. Especially if they trick you and ask for it.
3. Appliances. Sure your girl may say that she wants a new blender, but what that really means is that she wants new earrings instead. You see if you fall for this trick she always can tell people that for Christmas you got her a new toaster oven and YOU are made to look like the bad guy because she doesn't tell people that she asked for it.
4. Sports equipment/Sports apparel. If your dumb enough to get your wife golf clubs than you deserve to spend your weekends chasing her balls around the golf course. They don't want this, all they want to do is ruin your good time with your friends. And as far as sports apparel goes, this is just an open invitation for her to watch the games with you and ask you every stupid question in the world about the "ball-thingy" and where it's supposed to go and why did this guy pass it to the other guy.
5. Porn. I don't care if your girl says that she is into it. This is a for sure NO-NO!!!!!!!!! Get ready for the "Do you really like that?" or "That's just gross" maybe even a "Your a pig" and of course the worst question that will kill the mood "Do you think she's pretty?" Just get her a movie with Julia Roberts in it and count your blessings that it will only waste about an hour and a half of your time.