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Rules For Being A Sports Fan
Rob & Arnie's Official Rules For Being A Sports Fan
1 – If you grow up in an area with major sports teams, those are your teams.
2 – If you grow up in a massive area with multiple teams in multiples sports, than you must choose teams. Pick the Niners or the Raiders, not both. Pick the A’s or The Giants, not both.
3 – Once you’ve committed your loyalties to a team, that’s it. That’s your team. If you move, you’re still a fan of your original team. You cannot change teams because you changed geography.
4 – If, however, your team moves on you, all bets are off. For example, you grew up in Baltimore and the Colts left you. You do not need to be an Indianapolis Colts fan (but you can be). You are now free to choose to root for whichever team that will be your new team. Once you choose a new team, you are and must remain loyal to that team forever. And you can take as long as you like to choose your new team because grieving over the loss of a team knows no limits.
5 – If you grow up in a barren wasteland like South Dakota or Montana, which has no pro sports teams, then you become a fan of your father’s sports team.
6 – If your father doesn’t have a team, or was absent because you were a rotten kid, then you are free to choose any team but you are then committed to that/those teams for life.
7 – If you grow up in the middle of a large state like California and you do not have an obvious geographical choice, then you must still choose a team within your vicinity. Living in Fresno does not allow you to be a Pittsburgh Penguins fan.
8 – Apparel/Ticket = Fan! Once you put on that team’s hat, you are that teams fan. Period. No wearing apparel of any other team other than your team in any given sport is allowed.
9 – You absolutely cannot play in any Fantasy League. Once you get a fantasy team you start rooting for players on rival teams and you ultimately say stupid things like, “Well, I still hope my football team wins, but I hope the guys on the opposing team that are also my fantasy players play well!”
10 – Military brats are granted full exemptions from all rules because they carry guns and defend our rights to say and stand by things like this list.