Arnie Reviews "Goon" & "Bucky Larson"
So this weekend I got to see a couple of movies that I had kind of wanted to see but now I am very glad that I waited for them to come out on cable. The Sean William Scott(Stiffler from American Pie) movie Goon and the Nick Swardson(dipshit) movie Bucky Larson Born to be a Star. First movie we will talk about the movie Goon. This is a hockey movie and usually hockey movies are pretty funny like Slapshot for example. This movie I think was supposed to be funny but ended up being a dark as shit movie. It's about a guy Sean William Scott, who really isn't that good at anything except being a bouncer and getting into fights. It just happens when he goes to a hockey game with his buddy and a fight breaks out to where one of the players leaves the bench and takes him on in a fight and kicks the shit out of him. So much that the coach from the other team sees this and offers him a job as a hockey thug. Well perfect right. Problem is that he doesn't skate very well and he is dumber than a box of shit. But of course since he can't skate he can still fight PERFECTLY on the skates and moves from the minor, minor leagues to the league right under the NHL to help get a promising star his balls back. Of course he falls in love with the town slut and of course she falls in love with him but has a boyfriend and blah, blah, blah they get together. When they do he decides to let the ex boyfriend beat the living piss out of him. That's realistic. So the movie comes down to the old Goon in the league who is retiring fighting Stiffler and spoiler alert Stiffler wins, he gets the girl and the promising player gets his balls back and we are lead to believe that everyone lives happily ever fucking after. This movie was not only dark, but dark and dumb as hell. I want to find Stiffler and beat his ass for making such a shitty movie. I didn't think his acting could get worse after Dukes of Hazzard or Role Models but boy I was wrong. This movie fucking sucked and I HATED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now for the real winner. Bucky Larson. This hunk of shit is about some dipshit who lives in Iowa who goes to a buddys house after getting fired from his job as a bag boy. They just so happen to be watching a porn and Bucky has never polished the Bishop before so of course he does it in front of all his friends. Only to find out that the "stars" of the porn they were watching were his parents. So he then has the idea that he is the spawn of two acting legends and decides to go to Hollywood and start making porn because he was "born" to do this. Here's the problem. This movie is dumber than anything I think I have EVER seen before. Nick Swardson is an idiot and he really isn't that funny in this shitty movie. How they got Don Johnson to play in this movie says a lot for where his career has gone. I think he would be better off making porta potty commercials than actually staring in shit like this. Of course this movie was put out by Adam Sandlers production team which means all the same shitty people that are always in the same shitty Adam Sandler movies and this one is probably the least funny out of every one he has ever made. I can't stress just how much I HATED this movie.