Yo digities!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It's good to be back from my second vacation of the summer(PAID). While I was away I really didn't follow any real news, I did watch about 7 minutes of the Democratic convention, and let me say, BORING!!!!!!!!!  But some of the things that I saw inspired me to write this weeks column.  Not only the DNC, but some other shows too, like Pam Andersons new show on E!, which by the way is TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!  But watching these two things made me really think about and come to an understanding that celebrities and their causes all SUCK!!!!!!!  Hey Hollywood, nobody cares about what you believe in.  NOBODY!!!!!!!!  I get a real kick from seeing these Celebes try to be "regular" people.  I saw Ben Affleck and some other Hollywood people compete in some sort of box-off with politicians to feed the homeless.  Sure this seems really nice and touchy feely but does anyone really give a shit???? I mean if they really cared why not move those homeless bums into one of your many houses when your not using it????  That would help with them being homeless wouldn't it??  But we all know that's not going to happen.  So instead lets give them boxes of crap that they won't use so we can feel better about ourselves.  Oh yea, and make sure there is a camera catching you do all the work. I know I sound like a real dick, but you know what, I'm ok with that.  I hate that these actors and actresses want us to join into whatever it is they believe in.  Have they ever asked what we believe in????  And if they don't believe in it does that make them dicks too??????  The answer is HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!  I mentioned that I watched some of Pam Andersons new show, and yes I did mention that it was TERRIBLE.  The episode I saw was of her going to Washington D.C. to spread some more P.E.T.A propaganda. She wants to put people down for their right to choose if they eat animals or wear any animal products.  Hey, what business is it of yours??????  I'm am soooooooooooo tired of how high and mighty these people think they are because they have a cause.  By the way, her cause SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And by the way, good job P.E.T.A for getting suck a "respected" actress to spread your word.  Was Pat Sajack not available??????  How can anyone take what she says seriously????? That would be like me making speeches on behalf of........well ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!  Pam Anderson goes out and speaks to a handful of people to spread the word for this nutjob organization, and then decides to go on a site seeing tour of D.C.  One of the scenes was of her paddle boating with high heels on.  What a spokes woman!!!!!!!  Do the people at P.E.T.A. really think that people are going to listen to her???????  I think that they are dumber than she is, and that is saying a whole hell of a lot.  Then she goes to a big ball in Washington where the president gets to roast the media and whoever he wants to.  You remember this when he did it to Ozzy Osbourne a few years ago.  At least Ozzy wasn't trying to sell us any bullshit like Pam did.  He just showed up and understood that he was a cartoon and enjoyed his evening.  Pam really thought that she made a difference.  To who?????????  That's the point of this whole thing. Who is Hollywood trying to convince.  Us or themselves when it comes to these causes they have.  As a regular guy I could give a shit about animal testing, I know, I know that makes me such a monster, but atleast I'm honest about it.  I mean if Ben Affleck was sooooooooooo passionate about politics wouldn't he run?  I mean that's what regular people do isn't it.  If there is something that makes you want to speak out publicly don't you usually drop most of the things your doing to do so.  Oh, that's right regular people can't because they have real lives that they have to attend to.  Instead of writing crappy movies about people with terrible Boston accents.  Hey Celebes, enough is enough.  Just tell us what really matters to you.  Which means, just do episodes of CRIBS from now on because if the causes meant that much to you, you wouldn't be worried about the real gold paneling that went into your pool Pam Anderson.  Now don't get me wrong, if I ever become a huge celeb like these people I will do the exact same thing because I want the gold paneling on my tub.  Thanks for letting me vent, I'll holla........

 

Adigity

Yo digities!!!!!!!!!!! What's crackin'???? Look here, I don't know about you but I am DONE with the Olympics.  I know, I know I don't sound very patriotic right now, but come on they suck.  I'm not just talking about the crappy events, but that is the main thing.  The whole Olympic "celebration" is stupid.  Hello there is a war going on, or actually at least TWO.  That shows how much the Olympics don't mean to the rest of the world anymore, because countries used to stop all their fighting when the games were going on, and then the countries realized how lame some of these event are.  I mean, I accidentally turned on Handball the other day, and by the way it's not handball that they are playing.  It's lacrosse without the sticks.  I remember playing handball when I was a kid, you would hit the ball off the wall and score points that way, not try to score a goal.  Plus other sports in the "games" are just stupid.  I mean lets look at the equestrian events, the guys and ladies aren't even doing anything, the horse is doing all the damn work!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The dumbest events have to be the ones that are anything synchronized.  I'm sorry but the games are not about dancing or dance swimming which is what it is turning into.  I know, I know that the Olympics are for women and I'm cool with that, but the problem is they keep showing a bunch of this shit on ESPN which by the way is for MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don't know if you remember or not that China is a really bad place, and that as soon as these games end the human suffering will begin again, probably to some of the athletes that made China proud.  I'm not saying that if you support the Olympics your supporting Communism, but if you want to read it that way then that works too.  All I'm trying to say is that the Olympics are the biggest waste of time every two years, and I can't wait until someone gets eaten by a Tiger in the Tiger taming event in the next summer games.  I know its not an event yet, but my fingers do stay crossed!!!!!!!!!!!  Thanks for letting me vent, I'll holla.........

 

Adigity

Yo digities, what's crackin'?????? Look here, I don't know about you guys out there, but I am getting a little sick and tired of seeing all these male enhancement pill commercials.  Yes, I do like to get it on!!!!!!!!!!  But for the love of God sometimes men are just tired.  I know you young guys out there will say that I don't know what I'm talking about, but let me tell you friends someday you will.  But I don't need a pill to do the job for me.  Let's just take a look at how stupid some of these ads are.  Viagra first and foremost.  I don't know about you but if I was in the middle of a "jam" session with my buddies I don't think that I would tell them to check out the little ditty I wrote about some waitress I just started banging to Via Las Vegas. Also I don't really think that watching a racecar on the NASCAR circuit is going to make me think about having sex. "Hey, there's the Viagra car honey, wanna fuck?"  I just don't get those ads.  Here's another one I don't get these new spots that you here some "hot" sounding chick come on and talk about how your sex can be better with something that you slip under your tongue.  They say that it last longer and makes your spine tingle.  Real quick so does getting a really close parking space.  I love these things that aren't approved by the FDA and I'm supposed to use them for my libido.  Ain't gonna happen.  I would rather put the test rat in my pants to see if anything will happen that way.  But the most ridiculous and STUPID adds out there have to the Cialis ads.  I love how the couple is about to get it on, and out of no where they break the fucking sink.  And that makes them not want to do it.  I could give a damn about the sink if I was that close.  Hell throw a damn towel down, and finish your business.  Or the girl just got home from college and that kills the mood.  Haven't you ever heard of a dead bolt?????? Lock that kid out, what's she doing home so soon????? The best one has to be the surprise party.  The guy wants to have some lovin' with his lady and she's into it, that is until they get home and there are 100 people at the house, and the guy is smiling and laughing.  That's bullshit, if that were me I would be pissed as hell.  His wife is a cock-tease, she knew what was going on and to do that to her man is just flat out mean. How else did those people get in the house.  But in the end it is all made better like in EVERY Cialis ad, by the couple spending time in bathtubs.  Now I don't know, but first of all why are there soooooooo many bathtubs overlooking cities?????????  And if this is an ad for people getting ready to have sex, why in the blue hell are the people in separate bathtubs??????????  Thanks for letting me vent, I'll holla........

 

Adigity

Yo digities, what's crackin'????????  Look here, we need to talk about something.  Something that has been pissin' me off for quite some time now.  It's not global warming, because I'm not a fag.  It's not anything that really anyone is talking "negatively" about, but people are still talking about it.  It's this new phenomenon of losers that don't want to leave their moms basements, and now instead of staying in their nerdy world of dungeons and dragons and listening to ONLY Pink Floyd.  They are trying to be cool and hip.  What I'm talking about are all you tools that are playing Guitar Hero, and whatever else game it is that makes you a rockstar.  Do you know what makes you a rockstar??????????  Being able to play the goddamn instruments, that's what.  Not buying a game, and then clicking the buttons until the game tells you how much you "ROCK"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Here's an idea, if you want to learn the guitar riff that starts out "Sweet Home Alabama"  here's what you should do.  Go down to a music store and tell them that you want to play the guitar.  I would imagine that they will show you many to choose from and since your a beginner, they might even help you find someone to help teach you to play.  Then after you practice and practice and practice, have your own "concert" for family and friends and play "Sweet Home Alabama" for them.  Maybe even Granny will hold up her lighter.  GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I heard the other day that they are holding a championship for this game somewhere.  THIS ISN'T A SPORTS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There are NO championships of "rockin' out".  This is just an electronic version of air guitar.  SAD!!!!!!!!  I don't claim that playing Tiger Woods makes me a better golfer, so you should realize that your not a musician.  YOUR  A BUTTON CLICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know that these games are all the rage and that people are actually getting together and playing these things.  That used to happen in peoples garages and they turned into something.  Now it's turning them into a bunch of software engineers.  Yes, if your wondering, I have tried to play this and it's stupid.  I don't hate the game because I can't play it.  I hate the game because it' stupid.  I still go out and play golf, with clubs and balls and a course.   You tools that are playing this are headlining where???????? It's a game, a game that I'm sure bands just looooooooooooooooooooooooooove to play with you when you go backstage.  I mean I'm sure there's nothing more that James Hetfield wants to do after playing a sold out stadium with Metallica then to come backstage and hang out with a tool that has NEVER played a REAL guitar and loose to him at Guitar Hero.   I can just imaging that bands are lining up just for the chance to take YOU on.  By the way, up yours Aerosmith for selling out and putting yourselves on the game.  Thanks for letting me vent, I'll holla.

 

Adigity