Round 1 Of Producer Cristi's Photos From Cancun, Mexico
January 27th, 2009

What’s happening maggots? I finally had the chance to take a well deserved vacation last week and no, I didn’t miss you. Here is photographic evidence that Rob actually let me out of the studio for a full seven days:

Our vacation began in Emeryville (located just outside of Oakland) where we stayed with our friends Dave and Stephanie, who were not only nice enough to drive us to the airport (and keep our car at their place all week) but they even made us dinner and got us hammered.

We gave them a gift bag which included a Peppermint Pig, which I told them was a German tradition where you take the block of peppermint, put it in a velvet bag, tell a story of good fortune of the past year and hit the pig with a tiny metal hammer. Then you get to eat the broken pieces of peppermint. The tradition is supposed to bring good luck in the following year. After further inspection, we found out that the Peppermint Pig is actually a tradition out of Syracuse Springs, NY. Ahh…culture.

Between the four of us, that evening we downed three bottles of 2-buck Chuck, one 12-pack of Modelo and a 6-pack of a surprisingly good Belgium White-like brew made by Michelob. This made for a rough flight the next morning.

Once we reached our connection in Mexico City and I molested a Luche Libre cardboard cut-out, we headed to the airport bar and I immediately ordered a tall Bloody Mary. When my drink arrived, it was full of ice, which reminded me how dangerous it can be for my bowels to digest Mexican water. Therefore I followed my boyfriend’s advice, which was “If there is ice in your beverage, you’d better drink it quick.” I slammed the Bloody Mary so quickly that the men behind the bar started chatting and pointing at me. Since they were speaking in Spanish, I’m not sure what they said, but we think it translated to “Did you see the gringo with the big tits slam that drink?”

This picture is for Arnie. It was my first poop in Cancun, Mexico. Enough said.

Here are a few pictures of our suite taken just a few minutes after we arrived. Notice my boyfriend already has a beer in hand. That gentleman in the pink sweatshirt is my father. Boy, has my mother fagged him up.

You also might have noticed the child in the pirate towel. I bought these cool towels for my nephews Jack and Cade. At first Cade (the kid in the shark towel) was pissed off that I bought him a towel and told me he didn’t want it, until I showed him that it was a shark towel. Then he wouldn’t take it off. Spoiled brat.

The next morning we enjoyed the beautiful view of the lagoon from one of our two balconies. The best thing about our hotel is that your room will either face the lagoon side (which is the perfect place to watch the sunset) or the ocean side (which is the perfect place to watch the sunrise). We had the best of both worlds because my sister’s suite viewed the ocean, so we had the option to enjoy all of the beautiful views.

Finally! A chance to enjoy the sun and the gorgeous Caribbean Ocean. For some reason it seems like I took a lot of pictures of my feet during this vacation long before I broke my toe. Also- I should note, even though it appears that my boyfriend is curling up to avoid the big wave, he is not nearly that big of a pussy. He was actually in the act of splashing water on his face.

This is the crew I was hanging out with all week during our vacation. In the first photo you can see the example of how I got the short end of the stick in the gene pool. The 6’1” blonde in the brown dress is my sister. No, seriously. Also pictured is her husband, his brother, his brother’s girlfriend and my pasty boyfriend Scott. In the second picture there are more pictures of my sister’s kids. Not that you care. Holy crap, I’m starting to sound like Dawn. Whatever. These are the people I spent my vacation with. I’ll make up for it with a cool picture of a lizard.

Once we got bored of the beach, Scott and I decided to hit the town by renting bikes. This was a horrible idea, and the workers at the resort knew it. They even had a sign posted that said “These bikes are available for your use, however, we strongly advise you to use caution when biking in areas where there are vehicles, as driving in Cancun is often erratic and unpredictable.” What it should have said was “These bikes are shitty and don’t have brakes.”

After returning the bikes and getting laughed at by the staff at the resort, we headed downtown for a drink at a place called El Sombrero which had two for one beers. We ordered two beers, which in Spanish must translate to “bring us four”. This cost $11 total including tip. I love Mexico.

Here is the beautiful sunset I wrote about earlier. So much more relaxing than answering your horrible phone calls.

Post-sunset fun included goofing around and taking funny pictures with my nephew Jack.

Once the kids and other adults went to bed, Scotty and I headed back down to the beach to finish our beers. We found out the water was still warm from earlier in the day and we ended up warming up our feet by standing in the ocean. It was awesome.

In our drunken stupor we saw this sign and thought it was funny. It is now my theory that it was the bad karma earned from laughing at this sign that resulted later in a broken toe on my behalf…but that is for a future photo update.

I hope you enjoyed the first photo update from my vacation. If not, feel free to email Rob and tell him how much my photos sucked, so I don’t have to do the other upcoming photo updates. 

Up Yours,
Producer Cristi

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