Pepe's Response To Producer Cristi's Blog
(Click Here to read Producer Cristi's Blog
- "My Cats Are Better Than Rob's Cats")

Dear Producer Cristi,

It has come to my attention that you are a bitch. Upon reviewing one of your recent blogs, I discovered that you had the audacity to list reasons why your stupid cats are better than my sisters and me. As you can see, this is clearly not true, starting with the fact that I can write for myself, while your shitty cats are too stupid to do so. I am enclosing the following rebuttals to your crappy arguments.

Sincerely, Pepe. AKA, the boss’s cat.

For starters, My mom, AKA the boss’s wife, did not find Cristi’s blog to be very “funny.”

As to Cristi’s cats, Iggy is a red head, which means Iggy smells gross. I, meanwhile, I am fat and black, just like Oprah, so I rule.

Unlike Cristi’s cats, I am actually loved. Notice that I lie right next to my dad on the sofa. Cristi’s cats hate her (and I think I know why) Iggy and Rudie have terrible names. Iggy sounds like something I have to paw off of my nose every morning after a good night’s sleep. Rudie is just mean sounding, because you know that Cristi calls him “rude” for short. How classy.

Myself, Cabernet and parker are all major celebrities. Iggy and Rudie, and Cristi for that matter, are not. Suck it.

I have two super cool cousins named Shep and Nellie…what do Iggy and Rudie have? Nothing, that’s what, cause Cristi sucks.

I do this super cool thing where I hide under a blanket and spread my back legs out like a frog. DO Iggy and Rudie impersonate any amphibians? I think not.

Finally, In Cristi’s blog she made a point to mention that I am dying. We all are, sweetheart…act accordingly.

July 23rd, 2008 -

MISTER PEPE September 11, 2001 - July 23, 2008
Mr Pepe, named after the famous romantic known as Pepe Le Pew, stole everyone’s heart during his stay on Earth. He was, and always will be that one special cat who had more personality than all three members of the Rob, Arnie and Dawn show combined. After fighting against heart disease for four long months, Pepe assumed saint hood as a result of the one thing we all already knew; he had a heart that was too big.

Rob's Cats and Their Lion Cut

Since I recently depressed the hell out of many of you by delivering the news that our beloved cat, Pepe, has been diagnosed with Heart disease, I thought I would try to lighten things up this week on the kitty front.

While Pepe will continue to fight off heart disease, he will, most certainly, leave us too soon. We are absolutely spoiling the hell out of him right now and making sure he is happy and comfortable and he is loving every god damned minute of it, the little ham.   

A few months ago, before our current health crisis with Pepe, we decided to get our three cats, Pepe, Cabernet and Parker, a “lion cut,” which will be fairly self-explanatory after you see these pictures.

Updated May 2nd, 2007

We have three cats at Williams Manor, 8 year old Parker and 6 year old Pepe and Cabby, who are brother and sister. All three cats are between 16-18 pounds, but they ARE NOT OBESE! Pepe and Cabby are part Coon cat, so they are naturally bigger…and Parker is well, a bitch. The three of them do what they can to avoid the master of the house, Shep the German Shepherd, and Pepe remains the king of the castle.

Here are the latest photos of my cats. Drop me an email and let me know what you think of the photos.

Meanwhile, his sister Cabernet, spends most of her days curled up in one of their 6 cat beds, sleeping.

Here is America's most un-social cat, Parker the whore. She just isn't very friendly.

Pepe still thinks he's a dog and he likes to roll around begging for belly rubs.

Pepe's favorite thing is the head-butt-rub, which he implements by ramming his head into your, then rubbing his face along your to get a scratch and love and rub all at once. This too, he will do for hours if you let him

Pepe's favorite thing is the head-butt-rub, which he implements by ramming his head into your, then rubbing his face along your to get a scratch and love and rub all at once. This too, he will do for hours if you let him

Pepe on the sofa.

Pepe on our bed

This is our formal dining room set… look closely to enjoy the aluminum foil on the seats, classy isn't it? Why you, ask, would we do such a thing? Well, the foil scares the cats and keeps them off our chairs which is important as you'll see in the next pictures.

Those are claw marks from Cabby curling up on our $400 dining room chairs. My wife was thrilled when we found this, but fortunately she has only ruined two of the chairs. Since then, Cabby has been made into a beautiful rug.

Pepe on the sofa… again

Comments on my cats? Drop us an email for "Listener Mail."

As we all prepare for the arrival of our new puppy at Williams Manor (stay tuned), we continue to spoil our three cats endlessly. The head of the house (and the cutest cat ever) is our boy, "Mr. Pepe," who is now almost 4 years old and is a total Mama’s boy. He sleeps on my wife’s head every night and she adores him to no end. So, for her birthday I decided to do something special and memorable for her in honor of Pepe.

I realize that by admitting this publicly and displaying photographic evidence, I am completely emasculating myself while at the same time perhaps re-enforcing the stereotype that I have too much money if I can afford things like this.

That being said, here is what all of this is leading up to...

As a gift to my wife for her birthday, I had a hand painted oil canvas portrait made of "Mr. Pepe." Below is the photographic picture used, and next to it is the framed finished oil painting that is currently hanging on our wall. My wife and I think this may be the cutest thing ever. (Yes... ever.) Since you want to know, I’ll tell you... it cost $400 with shipping, and it was worth every penny.

And now, without further adieu, here is the painting of the cutest cat ever, our Pepe...

(Click on the pictures to enlarge)

The photoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx The painting
xxx

Email me and let me know what you think of the painting of "Mr. Pepe."

Here's a little photo gallery of all the cats in the Williams family...

First, some background. We have three cats running around Williams Manor, none of them weighing less than 15 pounds. Before you send me notes telling me that I am a cat abuser for letting them get fat, trust me, they're fine. Two of the cats, Pepé and Cabernet are part "Coon-Cat" and are supposed to be bigger (although, yes, they're guts could come down a size or two). Parker, the third cat is just lazy, but she's the smallest (at a svelte 16.5 pounds as of this writing).

Someday soon, we'll be getting dogs…but not until I'm sure the dog won't be eaten by the cats.

A Shot of Parker mad.

Here's Parker annoyed

This is Parker being coy.

Parker acting shy.

Sad Parker.

Here is Parker being indifferent.

The only time Parker comes out from behind the couch is to eat or to enjoy a warm fire.

This is Pepé right before he kicks the crap out of Parker so he can lie by the fire. He's such a little dick.

Here is the ham of the house, literally. Pepé shows off his gut and his smile as he stretches out.

Still being a fat ham, but damn he's cute.

The rumors are true. Pepe lies down while he eats.

Pepé loves to sit on the ledge of the bathtub and actually drinks the warm water while someone is in the tub. Weirdo.

Before Pepé sleeps, he kneeds his area endlessly. Here, he preps his leopard skin bed. Yes, it's real leopard skin not those cheap knockoffs you people buy at the Pet-Hut.

Here, Pepé prepares our lambskin rug for a long winter's nap. Check out his eyes, doesn't he look like a stoner?

Pepé loves to sleep where he can smell us…one his favorite places is a dirty laundry pile. Pig.

How cute is this? Pepé curled up on our oversized fur pillow.

Pepé is a chip off the ol' block. Just like his Dad (that's me) he loves to play ball.

This is Arnie's idea of showing how fat Pepé is. Compare the size of Pepé to a standard soda can

This is another of Arnie's ideas to show how fat Pepé is. Compare the size of Arnie's foot to a standard soda can

Here, you can clearly see that Pepé is barely as big as a slice of cheese or a wine bottle. I assume this will stop all "fat jokes."

Here's Arnie riding Pepé Ok, now this is just ridiculous.