We'll keep this fairly simple. There are literally hundreds of different types of wines from all over the world. In fact, they are even selling flavored wines now (which is an abomination). This list will serve as a simple guide to enjoying the basic different wines available.

Appetizer Wines: These are the wines you start with. I am not a huge fan of appetizer wines, as they are generally too fruity for my tastes. Also, I have found that if you serve an appetizer wine, you wind up getting hammered before the really good stuff comes
along. My opinion aside, however, Appetizer wines are generally soft, light-bodied wines
that are simple and fruity and match up with most hors d'oeurves. Dry sherry, chilled dry
white vermouth, and chenin blanc are all examples of appetizer wines

White Wines: Beginners start here. White wine is generally more appealing to first time wine drinkers due to its' light texture and flavor. Also, white wine is served chilled which is more familiar to first timers. White wines can range from bone dry to very sweet, and are very popular when the weather is warmer. White wines also contain less alcohol than most reds, though they still pack a pretty good punch. By the way, if white wine gives you a headache don't give up hope! I used to get terrible headaches from white wine until my body adjusted to the certain nutrients and properties in the wine. Still, today, a cheap white wine will get my head pounding. You may have to endure a few hardships while finding your perfect wine. Some examples of more popular white wines are fume blanc, sauvignon blanc, riesling, and the mother ship, chardonnay.

Rose Wines: Barf. These are the worst. If you like these wines, fine, but please don't refer to yourself as a "wine drinker." You are a punch drinker, and not much of one. Rose wines are watered down reds with little alcohol, bad flavor and no class. The lone exception to this is called Beaujolais Nouveau, which released every year one week before Thanksgiving. Nouveau is the one thing the French do right, if the year is a good one. Nouveau is meant to be drunk immediately and served slightly chilled and can be wonderful. The rest of the Rose family is putrid; they include white zinfandel, blush, chablis, and most wines that come in a box.

Sparkling Wines: Only wines made in the French region called Champagne can be referred to as such. However, champagne and sparkling wine are essentially the same thing. This is the bubbly stuff we all drink too much of at weddings, ship christenings and New Years Eve. One note on sparkling wine; the terminology is backwards from wine. A "dry" champagne is actually fruity and sweet, while a "brut" champagne is very dry. Got it?

Red Wines: My weakness. I love red wine. Red dinner wines are usually dry and rich, sometimes tart, always hearty. The best red wines today are coming from the Napa valley and Sonoma, while others are emerging from Australia and Chile. Italy still produces some amazing red wines, although the chianti you get in the wicker casing is not one of them. Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignons are my favorites. Other reds include Pinot Noir, Shiraz, and the much heavier Barolo, Barbera and Barbaresco.

Desert Wines: Heavier and sweeter than dinner wines, these can range from grossly sugary to crisp and refreshing. As with most wine, you'll find that you get what you pay for. Be careful of fortified wines, which are wines that have had brandy added to them, thus making them much more likely to knock you on your ass and give you a huge hangover. These can be wonderful, but should be approached with caution; Madeira, port and Sherry are all examples of fortified dessert wines.

Cooking Wine: Never cook with a wine you wouldn't drink. Period. For those of you worried about Alcohol in your food, it cooks out.

Non-Alcoholic: I know nothing about these wines. Why would I?