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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
August 14th, 2005
29 THINGS TO HATE ABOUT SACRAMENTO
I have never understood the mentality of "rooting for the locals." This is the antiquated notion that because someone, or some team, emanates from the town that you live in, you are somehow obligated to cheer for it or their success. Geography does not dictate my tastes. Just because someone is from Northern California or Northern Nevada doesn't mean they are the kind of person I want to see succeed.
This silliness extends to the falsehood that you have to say nice things about where you live. Apparently people think that it reflects poorly on themselves if they happen to admit that they live in a shit-hole, or at least a place that lacks a variety of amenities they would like. The Sacramento area is a perfect example. There are many things for a variety of people to like about Sacramento. However, if you say one totally true, but negative, thing about the area everyone gets VERY defensive. Downtown is the best example. Easily, Sacramento possesses the worst downtown area of any of the 50 major cities in America. I've visited most of them and none are even close to being as disgusting, destitute and devoid of culture as downtown Sacramento. Why can't people that live here just acknowledge that and move on? Why do they have to say things like, "oooh, it's not that bad," (yes it is), or "well then just don't go," (I don't, but that doesn't change how awful it is), or my favorite, "If you hate it that much than move." (I don't need to move because I like where I live, but I can also accept the fact that there are negatives about my town as well).
Having grown up in the Bay Area I am painfully aware that the city of Sacramento has long suffered from a San Francisco inferiority complex which has only gotten worse over the years. The influx of former Bay Area residents has only intensified it as they try to not admit that they've moved to a much safer, much more affordable and much crappier area. Again, as I always say, all I want is honesty is from people. The ability to be self aware and admit to shortcomings, whether they be yours, your children's or your home cities' is a beautiful quality. As I find that more and more people lack this, I get more and more glee out of poking at them. So without further adieu, I now present you with 29 Things to hate about Sacramento. I'm sure many of you will reply to each of them with your silly "It's not that bad," slogans but that won't make it true.
1. Downtown sucks my ass
2. Our homeless problem has spread to our suburbs and is swiftly becoming a national joke
3. We have a Triple-A baseball team whose mascot is called "dinger."
4. Our NBA franchise, our lone major sports team, can't win the big one, has seen its' best years pass it by, and is itching to move to Las Vegas.
5. There are no real restaurants anywhere within 100 miles of here.
6. Our idea of a landmark is the downtown bridge. Gorgeous.
7. When people ask for recommendations of things to do in Sacramento, there are only two possible answers:
1. Long pause, followed by "See the capitol building!"
2. Tell them to keep driving until they get to San Francisco
8. We host the State Fair… a haven for hill people and white trash
9. Frisbee golf is considered acceptable recreation here.
10. The biggest sports debate in this town is which of the football teams, located 100 miles away from here, is your favorite.
11. Our fans at basketball games ring cow bells.
12. There is no freeway linking the two fastest growing counties (el Dorado and Placer). There are no plans for such a freeway. The roads that do connect the two (Sunrise and Hazel) are ALWAYS under construction.
13. The only time our city makes national news, it's negative. Think "Fire Department scandal."
14. Our idea of "great shopping," is a strip mall that has a "Barnes and Knoble," AND an "Old Navy." Classy.
15. We are surrounded by such lovely smaller cities as Lodi, Stockton, Modesto, Fairfield and Vacaville.
16. Our city's slogan is the "City of Trees." Not the city of lights, city by the bay or city that never sleeps…the city of trees. Wow, how utterly horticultural.
17. Most people move to California for the scenery, weather, culture, leisure activities and mind-set. We have none of that. People began the influx into Sacramento 10 years for one reason; it was cheap. Now we don't even have that.
18. Our city's nicknames are queer. Los Angeles is the "city of angels" (the only people in the nation that call it "la-la land" are jealous people from northern California). New Orleans is "the big easy." Chicago is "chi(shy)-town." What are we? "Sac"... you know, as in "ball sack."
19. Our second greatest landmark, after the bridge, is the river. The brown, disgusting river that homeless guys defecate in daily.
20. Of all of the major metropolitan areas in America, we have, hands down, the worst, most pathetic, most embarrassing airport in the nation. I will cede that it is trying to catch up now, but it has a long way to go.
21. We actually set up a tennis stadium in a mall parking lot... and we think it's perfectly ok to do so.
22. Actor Timothy Busfield is our most famous hometown celebrity.
23. Our official city flower is the "oleander."
24. People here think Granite Bay is where the rich and powerful live. Have you EVER been to Beverly Hills, La Jolla, Sausalito, or Long Island?
25. Our biggest agricultural claim to fame is…rice. Yes, flooded fields of rice.
26. Our zoo is crappy. It takes 37 minutes to walk the entire thing.
27. The only place to get a great steak in this town is at a chain restaurant.
28. Our hotels are horrible
29. Morning radio is God-awful. Look at the unchallenged success our show has had for 6 straight years. My God, how could I ever leave such an easy to work in place?
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