May 22nd, 2004
GOD HELP ME, ARNIE AND DAWN MAY BE RIGHT
For years I have been preaching against violent, over the top public displays of aggression. Things like road rage, loud complaints to store managers and the like have always seemed like unnecessary showboating to me. I've always said that the best revenge for horrible behavior and service is to ignore it and, in the case of a store or restaurant, never patronize the business again. Boycotts don't work, they only highlight the company more, so I have always believed that the most you could or should do is eliminate the place from your list of haunts.
While Arnie and Dawn agree with the logic of my reasoning, they have always argued in favor of the release of aggression in these situations. Dawn doesn't really believe that she's going to change how some idiot drives... well, maybe she does believe it, but she knows she's wrong. It's really more about Dawn getting her frustration out and venting. Arnie has always used the same rationale for barking (yes, literally barking) in restaurants when the service is too slow. It's not about changing the service; it's about making himself feel better.
I have been trying to take the higher plane; one that is more Buddhist in nature, saying that through my calmness I will prevail and rise above the bad service and the terrible people. This column is not to say that I am abandoning that theory all together, but there was an incident this past weekend that has shaken my approach.
On Friday night my wife was craving a dish served only at nearby steakhouse in a nearby recently opened Indian Casino. We have been to this steakhouse a dozen times and the service has never been better than mediocre. I have tried numerous times to eliminate it from our rotation but the food is pretty good, this unique dish that my wife likes is only served there, it's close to our house, and our friends keep insisting on going to it. Despite my reservations, we keep going back and I keep getting frustrated at how bad the service is, regardless of the waiter.
Friday night we sat down and ordered a bottle of sparkling water, a glass of wine for my wife and two appetizers. The waiter did not ask what we wanted for dinner.
The appetizers came and still we were not asked for our dinner order. The bottled water ran out and was taken from our table without the offer of a second bottle. My wife's wine ran out and her glass was removed without the offer of another. By this time, we had already decided we were so frustrated that we were going to go home and cook dinner... all we needed was the check. The waiter never came. Oh, he walked by us plenty of times, but he never came to our table.
Finally, I'd had it. I told my wife to get her purse and follow me, which gave her pause since it's not like me to "storm out" of somewhere. I had had it, though. Months of bad service at this dump combined perhaps with years of taking the high road had caught up with me.
I marched to the front of the restaurant and rudely interrupted the hostess who was trying to sit a group of diners. I threw $40 on the counter and said, "Here, this will cover our meal since I have no god-damned idea where our waiter is." It was one of those moments where everyone stopped and I knew they were staring at me saying things like, "what an asshole," and I didn't care at all.
The hostess responded not with an apology, but rather with a sheepish "ok, where were you sitting?" In retrospect, it's very possible that she was asking so that she could tell the manager about the bad service complaint. At the time, though, I didn't care and my response was an over the top rude,"I don't fucking know - you figure it out," as my wife and I walked away. By the way, the $40 should have perfectly covered the food and drinks with no tip for the idiot waiter.
48 hours later, I still felt no remorse. In fact, I'm damn proud of myself. I don't really like the fact that I had to curse and make a small scene, but I also can't find it in myself to give a damn. The release was great, and even though I know that nothing will change at that shit-hole restaurant, I feel fine about my behavior. I've talked with the manager of other restaurants before about other things and nothing has changed, so apparently that approach doesn't work either.
I'm still not sold that reactions like this are the way to go, but I am a little more interested in them now.
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