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| Rob's Soapbox | ||
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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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July 15th, 2007 ARNIE IS MARRIED; NOW GET OVER IT WeI have debated and kvetched for weeks with myself over whether or not to write this column. On one hand, I live by a creed that only a defensive person feels the need to defend himself. Truly confident, self respectful individuals simply shrug off most, if not all, personal attacks, judgments and untruths told about or to them, knowing full well what the actuality is and confident in their abilities, goals and decisions. For example, if you tell me that my radio show sucks or my father is a faggot, I will waste nary a breath on your stupidity because I know, deep down in my heart, how wrong you are about both and at the end of the day the truth is still the truth. Legitimizing asinine opinions or attacks by acknowledging them is a waste of my personal energy that I have rarely felt the urge to indulge in. As for "pride," whoever once said that it go-eth before the fall had it correct. Pride is nothing more than an insecure person's way of justifying immature behavior. Pride in my father is not shown by beating up a man that asserts my Dad is gay; pride in my father is supporting his life choices, being one of his best friends and living life as he taught me to live it. Pride in my work comes not from telling you how good I am, but rather in exerting 100% every day and accomplishing the goals I set for myself and my team, and allowing the results to speak for themselves. On the other hand, even I acknowledge that there is a time and a place for everything. Even a guy as private and confident as I must accept that some things need to be addressed, answered, and sometimes explained; a lesson I learned while spending 10 years of my life managing radio stations and the staffs that came with them. I found that one of the greatest tools in my arsenal was my ability to motivate my staffs not by telling them to do things my way "because I am the boss and I said so," but rather by explaining the method to my madness and asking them to follow me whether they agreed or not. It seems that people sense and appreciate a leader who not only points them in the right direction but also tells them why they've been pointed that way. Alas, I came to the conclusion that this column must be written. I will accept that many of you will find my reasoning to be flimsy, lame, maybe even pathetic and will cast dispersions on me for "cowering to my critics," by even writing this. I respectfully disagree. I have made the conscious, meticulously thought out determination that the following points need to be expressed. For those of you that read on and find your response to be "yeah, Rob, duh, we all knew that," please understand that this column is not meant for you, because you "get it," a comment I will expand on momentarily. For those of you that read on and let out some form of childish grunt followed by the phrase, "yeah, whatever," you also are not the intended reader, for you are a lost cause. I learned long ago that plenty of people in life just "get it," and those of you who do get it, know what I mean by that. There are exponentially more of you, however, who do not get it and never will and I have never in my life tried to communicate with you. I would have more success convincing a blade of grass to turn blue than I would trying to teach those of you who don't "get it," about life. Rather, I focus on what I call "the wanderers," people who can get it, want to get it, are close to getting it, but need some guidance, leadership, honesty and direction. Arnie got married a few weekends ago to a girl named Emily that he had been seeing, dating, and living with for about a year now. Those of us close to Arnie knew of the plans in January, including the date and the place. Those of you who listen knew only that Arnie was with a girl, that she moved in with him at some point and that, according to Arnie, she needed to "get a job." This brings us to the reason for this column. Some of you (not many, but some and in great enough numbers to inspire me to write this column), have expressed emotions ranging from anger to disbelief to jubilation to being literally offended at "how little you knew" about what was going on. Along the way since January, there were a few clues that we left; a few pictures of Emily surfaced on the website wearing what was clearly an engagement ring, and some of you wrote to us about that, displaying the kind of intelligence that makes me still believe in mankind now and then. Another clue, placed by Arnie and me more than a few times during the show would occur after I had something fairly derogatory about Arnie and he would respond with a comment similar to "hey, Rob, why don't you write that down and save it in case you ever need to make a toast about me," alluding to the duties of Arnie's best man. Other clues were placed as well, but they were certainly not overt. This was intentional and those of you offended by it really, honestly, shouldn't be listening to our show in the first place, because like life, you just don't get it. Dawn, Arnie and I have been doing this exact show for 9 years come August. We have all worked closely together, in various capacities, for about 15 years (Arnie and I have essentially been doing an on-air show together for that entire time). In that span, we have shared more of ourselves, our true honest selves, than most would ever be willing. I stopped defending or being offended by the assertions that we "make things up" years ago. Those of you who don't get it will never believe that we really are who we are and will never believe what we say. I have neither the time nor the inclination to convince disbelievers that I really do fly to New York to have lunch with my lawyer, wear $3000 suits, have the greatest marriage I have ever seen, and drink a $100 bottle of wine daily 5 days per week beginning at noon-ish each day. Similarly, I feel no need to waste my time explaining to you that Dawn really does mess up every cliché known to mankind on and off the air, that she grew up in a horrible household that she is still recovering from today or that yes, she does really eat black bean burritos with tofu cheese while drinking soy milk. Nor am I bound to convince you that Arnie is a true-blue southerner who really does tear up jerseys when the Dallas Cowboys lose, who really does think women belong in the kitchen and who really does have an $80,000 debt problem with a major government agency. These things are all real and true whether or not you choose to believe them. I understand that 99% of the radio shows in America are based solely on lies, storylines and made up characters designed to appeal to various segments of each city's population, but more than that I understand that the fact that our show accomplishes that without being fake is what makes us so much better than all of the others. I do however, feel the inclination to explain and defend to you why and how we decide what is shared and when it is shared. Perhaps this is nothing more than my management style stepping forward in a naïve hope that if the method to my madness is explained, you may get it, accept it and even, perhaps, appreciate it. As the leader of the show I have always made it clear to everyone, including myself that our lives are the show and the show is our life. That may seem intrusive or extreme to you, but the fact is that we were doing reality TV on the radio long before reality TV became such a hit because of this mission statement. If Arnie has road rage, Rob goes on a luxurious trip or Dawn throws a fit in a store, it is not optional that it must be talked about, it IS what we do. Our lives intertwine with everyone in our audience and our day to day events, occurrences and stories help relate to you and mold the very essence of what makes our show so compelling. In that vain, each member of the show must remain true to who they are. The reality and truth of each person is what makes our show work so well. You never hear Arnie talking about going to therapy because Arnie would never, in a million years, go to therapy. Dawn, meanwhile, wears it proudly on her sleeve. I would never attend an event as barbaric as the Ultimate Fighting Championship, but Arnie would (and does) get the pay per view in a heartbeat. Dawn won't eat meat, Arnie craves Mc-muffins. These are the true essences of who we are; on and off the air. When I was dating my wife Janell and Dawn was dating her husband Gary, you were inundated with stories about our courting. Dawn and I are built that way. Arnie is not. Over the past many years, the only times you ever heard Arnie talking about a girl was after he had been screwed over by yet another evil whore that Arnie had again chosen poorly. Arnie did not, and never has, regaled us with stories of his dating life until after it had blown up in his face, (and he was finally prepared to vent his frustrations and call the girl names) and now that he has found a woman worth marrying, he is still not inclined to do so. Arnie is a guy, through and through. He does not "talk about his feelings," or comment on his wife, or carry pictures of her around, or use a shmoopy voice when chatting with her. One of the reasons so many of you love Arnie is that he's one of the few of these Neanderthals left in America. Arnie is not Kevin James from the "King of Queens," he is Al Bundy from "Married With Children," and always will be. If he ever does do anything "sensitive," he will hate every minute of it and bitch and moan about it for weeks afterwards. If his wife drags him to a Broadway play, you can be sure Arnie will "get his" in return, either in the form of a golf trip, a dinner at Arby's, or butt sex. This is who Arnie is. His Southern upbringing demands that he be a gentleman in public and around his in-laws, but the essence of who he is belies him from being a sensitive man. In Arnie's mind, Emily is the lucky one; an assertion stunning to all of us who know Arnie and have seen Emily. This is who Arnie is. Throughout this week we will post photos of Arnie's wedding, and tell some stories here and there. Dawn and I will be the ones talking about how beautiful Emily looked; Arnie will talk about visiting Graceland for his honeymoon. This is who Arnie is. By next week (if not sooner), those of you who insist on trying to get Arnie to talk about his wife will be told to grow a pair and most likely have your mother insulted. I know this not because we script the show, but precisely because we don't have to. Arnie is fat, I am balding and Dawn is crazy. These are absolutes and they are nothing more than the surface of what makes this show what it is; a show honestly, and completely about us. Three people who, amongst us, have been bulimic, gotten a DUI, kicked alcoholism for 10+ years, lost pets, been molested, hung up on our moms live on the air, done every drug known to mankind (except heroine), popped prescription pain killers for fun, declared ourselves "functioning alcoholics," slept with more 1,000 women, dated hideously awful members of the opposite sex, fought with co-workers, and asked out professional female golfers ALL on our radio show. Whether in the moment or after the fact, you have heard about all of these things, all of which are real and make us who we are. I have never asked or demanded that you like our show, just that you accept and respect it for what it is. Countless radio programs across the nation try to duplicate what we do everyday and fail miserably at it every time because they are lacking not just the talent and the chemistry of the three primary people on our show, but most importantly because they are lacking what they can't manufacture; the truth.
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