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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
August 10, 2003
The Asinine Things You People Say... Part 18
I have started referring to my "favorite" (insert sarcasm here) phone calls into the show as "Hall of Fame" calls. Anytime I see on my computer screen that someone is ready to make a complete ass of themselves by making a comment we have addressed 1,000 times before, I now use that term.
Over the next few weeks, months, Hell maybe years, I will document them all for you in this forum. Week number seventeen's entry is a pot-pourri selection for all of you who are hard up, wannabe, closet comedians. I don't have a specific phrase I will be picking on this week; rather I will be picking on a particular type of person.
We were inundated Friday with phone calls from people who thought they were a riot, only to disappoint us all. Thus, it seems as though now would be a good time to remind everyone of something; most of us are NOT funny. You see, if most people WERE funny, then being truly funny wouldn't stand out so much. As it turns out, truly funny people are revered, because they are so rare in our culture.
There is nothing wrong with calling our show and making witty comments. If we, as the professional comment makers that we are, deem yours to be ridiculous, you will be called on it…quite harshly. What happened Friday was different. People were calling in with "open-mike night" like one-liners which have no place on the highest radio show in all of Northern California and Nevada. One guy made a George Michael park bathroom joke, for God sake!! That's a ten year-old, non-topical reference, my friends!
Please don't misunderstand me. I know that in your little circle of friends they are always telling you how funny you are. I know that you are the guy that makes the group laugh over and over. You need new friends. No really. You simply aren't funny. If you were, you would be writing this column and I would be fetching the shoe sizing machine for my next customer.
If you are a fan of this show, you know funny. You may or may not BE funny, but you at least are familiar with what funny is. Arnie is the most genuinely funny person I have ever met. He combines crass with wit and topicality and little bit of obscureness now and then to truly be a comedic genius. Dawn is the most unintentional funny person I know. The things that swirl in her head are comical to no end, and the thing that makes Dawn so great is that when you point that out to her, she laughs hysterically because she knows that it's true. I'm a funny guy too. It's impossible to be as smart as I am and not have a grasp of comedic timing using a variety of references. I will leave it to other people that matter to judge HOW funny I am, but I do know that when Arnie and I get rolling, we're both unstoppable.
Now, let's review the lesson. If you think something is funny, it probably isn't. End of lesson.
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