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| Rob's Soapbox | ||
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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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May 8th, 2006 PEOPLE WORTH HATING THIS WEEK Hate is a good emotion. Religious freaks will say silly things like "you shouldn't hate," but that's simply a bunch of feel-good hypocritical Mumbo-jumbo. No one hates more than a religious zealot confronted with beliefs in contradiction of their own (Hello! Religious wars have killed more humans on this planet than all other conflicts combined)! Without hate, how do we know what we love? Opposites are needed to define our extremes. By knowing what's hip, we know what's square. By defining kindness, we know meanness. Obviously, it's hard to know what to love if we refuse to recognize and speak of what we hate. This week, a select few people made some truly asinine pronouncements that have catapulted them into my Hall of Hate. BILL GATES: What a prick this guy is. Mr. $45 Billion actually had the audacity this week to state that he wishes he wasn't so rich. How dare he? He complains of all the people who want access to his money, and of the burden of having to decide where the money goes and the fact that even as the richest man in the world, he can't solve most peoples' challenges. What problems you must have, Bill. I can't tell you how sorry we all feel for you as you lounge around your enormous home with heated driveways and dry cleaning racks for your wife's clothes. We are all so sorry that you have to bear the burden of others wanting a piece of the World's greatest individual fortune. Gates went on to say that "nothing good" comes from one man, him, having so much money. How Socialistic of him. First of all that screams "I am guilty and can't handle my success," and secondly I have a 20 second solution to his problem; write a check. One big, fat $40 billion check (we'll let him keep $5 billion to sustain the lifestyle he's become accustomed to). Write the check either to me, the United States Treasury or the Salvation Army, it matters not. He'll be without his title of Richest Man in the world and someone else can take his money and run. Everyone wins. Â GEORGE CLOONEY: I have no love for this guy to begin with, but his organization of last week's asinine Darfur march was simply appalling. Clooney recently flew over the ravaged area of Africa where genocide has been occurring for the past decade and decided that he felt so guilty about the carnage that he would come back to America and demand that we do more to help these poor souls thousands of miles way. This is what whacko liberals do; they lecture you on why you should feel guilty for the fact that you live in America. Hey George, the sentiment is sweet and no doubt it would be just swell if all was right and perfect in America and we could save every last hurting soul, but that's simply not reality today or at any time in our history. While we were rescuing Bosnia, we turned a blind eye to Rwanda. While we worked to support the emergence of independence in Chechnya and Ukraine, we ignored the suffering in Haiti. As we liberated Afghanistan, we did nothing for the people of Cuba. All the while, we did little to ease the suffering of the dismal state of the American education system. This is how it goes, George. We help where we can, when we can, but there will always be death, strife and horror. If you're that concerned, my friend put on a mercenary uniform and get your hands dirty you hypocrite. Thank you, by the way, George, for once again reminding America how out of touch Hollywood is with the average Joe. You want to believe that America isn't involved in Darfur because not enough Americans know about it. Well guess what? When told of the devastating horrors in the Sudan, it still ranks at number 4,637 on the nation's priority list of things to fix. We have our own problems with much higher stakes, disgust you as that may, Mr. Clooney.
RANDY JACKSON: I know it seems beneath me to waste column space on an American Idol judge, but since the show is red hot and 40 million Americans are watching this clown every week, now is the time to strike. What the fuck is with this guy? Beyond the phrases "yo, yo," "Check this out," and "Dawg," has this man ever comprehended the English language? My God, I guess it's inspiring that even a truly illiterate man can succeed in the TV world today but must we be so blatant about it? Randy Jackson has helped produce some of the greatest albums of our time, but he clearly did not do it through spoken communication with the artists.
SACRAMENTO KINGS FANS: Time for my annual lecture; Rooting for a team that resides in your zip code for the sole reason of supporting the home team is only an acceptable defense for people under the age of 10. Unless you're from Sacramento, the local argument is moot and ignorant. Nothing is more loathsome and sad than watching the annual purple haze that wafts over our area every Spring as the Kings eek into the playoffs. It's amazing how many fans the Kings have in the month of May. Sure enough, by June, there's nary a fan to be found. Be proud Sacramento, you continue to pretend that you support a joke of an organization that always lets you down. I'm just trying to figure out who's really fooling who.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Barry Bonds for even having the gall to play the game anymore, all SF Giants fans who continue to cheer for Bonds and embarrass themselves and the game, our idiot politicians for pandering to the ignorant quotient of our society that continues to scream about rising gas prices, Michelle Wie and the global media for thinking it matters that she made the cut at a Korean men's golf tournament (quick, name 5 great Korean male golfers… time's up), anyone who ratchets up the hysteria over the fabled bird flu, and all people still thinking that it's ok to "bump knuckles" as a form of a salutation.
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