December 14th, 2009

BLAME TIGER, NOT THE OTHER WOMEN

The Tiger Woods story of multiple mistresses has rekindled one of the oldest moral arguments of our society. Who’s to blame; the married cheater or the willing participant who knowingly sleeps with a married person?

The answer is clear if you are a logical, rational human being. Unfortunately, there are only five of us left on Earth and I haven’t met the other four. Only the married cheater is at fault and only the married cheater should be blamed or scorned. Doing otherwise is not only intellectually dishonest; it removes some of the blame from the adulterer who should be given no such mercy.

Sadly, too many people think with their hearts, which of course, is an oxymoron. And boy oh boy, on this issue, lots of you put the moron in oxy-moron.

I actually received an email when the Tiger story first broke claiming that “back in the good old days Americans never would have tolerated such behavior from these women. We used to live in a country that called a whore a whore.” None of this is true, of course, as adultery and mistresses and women on the side have existed since marriage and America has a very long and very proven history of tolerating and even encouraging such behavior. The woman who wrote that email lives in a fantasy land where she wants to equate Tiger’s infidelity to the ongoing decay of our culture; she refuses to accept or acknowledge facts and recognize that we have always, as a society, looked the other way when it comes to “other women.” Claiming otherwise is akin to those opponents of gay marriage who make such asinine remarks such as “you didn’t see homosexuality in Jesus’ day,” when of course, homosexual behavior is one of the few provable things that is 100% verifiable as having existed in biblical times en masse. Yet again, saying things out loud does not make them true, no matter how hard you try.

For whatever reason, there is a large portion of our culture that wants to demonize “home-wreckers,” more than those who have already sworn in front of God and creation that they will honor and be true to their spouse and their home. Spreading the blame dilutes the responsibility.

A single, attractive, productive member of society who has decided of his or her own volition to lead a promiscuous or “party” life bears no responsibility beyond his or her own happiness. Demanding that he or she walk away from the opportunity to enjoy a fleeting or recurring moment of carnal pleasure is patently absurd.

Beyond that, so what if someone does set out to destroy a home? Once again, that person is not the person the blame if their efforts are successful for if the home is truly unified, loving and on solid ground, no one can emotionally or physically destroy it. The presence of the “home-wrecker” is not what creates the lack of love, caring, trust, respect and fidelity in any given home, the two people inside of it are.

Some of you would have us believe that if none of Tiger’s women existed, if we lived on a planet where no one ever was willing to engage in sexual activity with a known married man, that Tiger Woods and his life would be living a happy, Norman Rockwell existence.

Grow up. 

Temptation is all around us; acting on those temptations is what defines our moral character and Tiger Woods has none. He is devoid of the ability to place a promise he made to himself and his family above his sexual urges. He is stunningly weak; a realization that is hard for many of us who watched in awe at his steely determination and un-wavering focus, drive and commitment on the golf course. In the end, he is not only just a man, he is a broken, morally bankrupt man.

News flash; there isn’t a married man or woman in America who doesn’t look at the opposite sex. This is not only common sense, it has actually been proven and corroborated through multiple studies. It is genetic, biological, unstoppable. While this realization may cause thousands of dinner table arguments it is no less true. Just because a man or woman has committed his or her life to another does not mean that person shuts off their human characteristics; they still notice when an attractive person enters the room and occasionally they still fantasize. In healthy relationships, they turn to their spouse and share what they’re thinking, safe in the knowledge that their union is stronger than pettiness. In an unhealthy relationship, the attraction is hidden, denied and never even shared. In Tiger Woods’ relationship, the attraction is acted on.

There is one other deeper, far more evil aspect to all of this that dates back to puritanical Victorian era times and is far more nauseating and sinister than all other motivations. For some, the idea of marriage involves possession, ownership and even, in the most vile examples, control. So many of you believe that your wife or your husband is “yours,” and how dare anyone tread near your prize. This, beyond all other aspects of this, is the one that sickens me the most. Your husband or wife is not yours, he or she is being lent to you by themselves and whatever higher power you believe in; God, fate, cupid, mother nature, luck, coincidence, etc. How you treat and view them will echo in the afterlife and those of you who demand that a person belongs to you have a special place in Hell reserved for you and your petty insecurities. True value and pride comes with strength and confidence that you have done and shown your lover why you are the one to come home to each and every day. Tiger Woods didn’t cheat on Elin because other girls made themselves available to him, Tiger cheated because he took Elin for granted, was willing to lose her and didn’t respect her. We see now, if the rumors are to be believed, just how disgusting their relationship is; according to multiple reports Elin now has the “upper hand” and will spend the rest of her days making Tiger’s life miserable in a twisted form of vengeance that is beneath contempt.   

If it makes you feel like a “big man” to cast dispersions on the “other women,” so be it. Just know how wrong and silly you are. Tiger Woods and Elin Nordergren created a home that was wrong for both of them and made them both unhappy. Rather than working on it, improving it, acknowledging that perhaps they had made poor choices, they ignored it and waited for the inevitable implosion of their marriage which came in the form of Tiger’s infidelity. They are the villains and the victims in this story and all others should be relegated to the annals of obscurity. Doing otherwise not only gives Tiger an undeserved Mulligan in life, it encourages future mistresses to have at it; last I checked, the attention being given them was making them all very rich. Way to go America, you really showed them.