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| Rob's Soapbox | ||
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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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December 5th , 2004
Some things though, need to be corrected every time they are said because the statement is so outlandishly not true. Every time a baby is born in this country and the news trickles back to the mother's workplace some nimrod will exclaim, "oh, it's a miracle." It is at this point that someone in the room has the obligation to point out that no, it is in fact, not a miracle. In truth, it's not even close. Dictionary.Com defines the word "miracle" thusly: "An event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature…miracles are spontaneous (and) cannot be summoned." Shall we break that down or is it fairly obvious to you how asinine it is to call childbirth a miracle? Let's see…nothing about normal, everyday child birth is inexplicable, in fact, it's so explainable that we can now replicate the whole procedure in a laboratory and re-create childbirth anytime we want to, which takes care of the second part of the definition. Child Birth is not a miracle. The word miracle is meant to highlight something that is not possible. In other words, anything that can be explained by our knowledge of nature is not a miracle. A person being cured of cancer is not a miracle because it happens all the time via medical science. Even the improbable cannot be assigned the label miracle, because it can still be explained. Only the impossible can be given the title miracle. If that same cancer stricken patient also had leprosy and began growing back his lost limbs, that would qualify as a miracle because there is no way to explain it. Religious nuts that like to use the word miracle to describe childbirth are, in actuality, slapping Jesus across the face every time they do so. The birth of Jesus, if you believe the description provided in the bible, is the definition of a miracle because there is no scientific way to explain how Mary became pregnant. That's why Jesus is who is his. Every other child born today will be easily explainable, most likely by the fact that two people screwed each other and one got pregnant. Hardly a miracle.
If childbirth is a miracle and it happens every 8 seconds in this country alone, then think of all the other miraculous things that occur less often and never get credit: *Every 10 seconds a high school student drops out. What a miracle. *Every 19 seconds a child is arrested. How miraculous. *Twice a day I shit. Call the Pope. Finally, for those of you who claim "well, it's a miracle for the people involved." C'mon, really…can we stop trying to individualize everything? First of all, no it isn't a miracle for the people involved because, once again, it can be explained by nature. Secondly, as discussed earlier, your baby is not Jesus. Thirdly, just because something really cool happens to you does not mean it's a miracle. Most of the free world doesn't give two slaps to a dick caring about your little "miracle." Miracles are something embraced and awed by the planet. A snot nosed rat is neither of those things. For those of you incapable of having children, I am sorry to burst your bubble but your inability to procreate does not mean that everyone else's ability to do so qualifies as a miracle. If that were true, I would be a miracle as compared to a mentally retarded child and that is hardly true. Once again, stop individualizing things. Babies are babies and nothing more. They are born at an alarming rate in this country and this world and most of them will grow up to be worthless sows suckling off of the teat of the few successful people this world has to offer. Gee, what a miracle.
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