January 25th, 2010

CONAN WAS HALF RIGHT

When Conan O’ Brien signed off from his final “Tonight Show” last Friday, he sat at his desk and said the things he felt needed to be said; he thanked NBC for 20 years of partnership, recognized his staff as the greatest in the industry, proclaimed his pride in the things they did on the “Tonight Show” for the last seven months, and honored his passionate and loyal fans.

He closed with a request of his viewers and fans, most notably the younger ones, to not be cynical. He proclaimed cynicism (the act of being negative, jaded and distrustful of the motives of others) his least favorite trait. Clearly, Conan is aware of how things look to his fans and it’s easy to believe that O’ Brien got hosed by the typical corporate bullshit. Conan’s attempt at a plea for civility is in keeping with his known reputation throughout the entertainment industry; he really is reputed as one of the truly nice, good guys. Given that, it’s no wonder that he doesn’t want his fans to walk away from this experience of losing his show after 7 months to Jay Leno with a feeling of getting screwed and a belief that things are always “too good to be true.”

Before closing the show with a typically embarrassing musical number with Will Ferrell, O’ Brien closed with these words:

“…And all I ask is one thing...and this is...I'm asking this particularly of young people that watch...please do not be cynical.  I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere.  Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.  I'm telling you.  Amazing things will happen.  (Audience claps) I'm telling you.  It's just true."

It’s unfortunate that Conan chose to focus on the cynicism aspect of his emotions rather than the true motivation behind them. In our world today, things get lost and cherry picked usually based on where we are led. Sure enough, the day after Conan’s speech most people focused on cynicism rather than on the most important thing Conan said; a message that truly does need to be delivered to not just young people, but to every arrogant, entitled, ignorant American on Earth:

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. 

Put another way; you can’t have it all.

While Conan’s anti-cynicism message is admirable, it is misguided. Truth be told, a little cynicism is a good thing. Had Conan had some of it 8 months ago, he might have been able to better negotiate a contract that would have prohibited NBC from taking the “Tonight Show” away from him. Cynicism, used at the right time and in the proper doses, allows us to question the motivations of people who may not have our best interests at heart. Specifically, Conan wasn’t cynical enough while negotiating his deal with NBC to imagine that they would attempt to rip his show away from him. Had he been that cynical, he would have insisted on a clause better protecting his interests. C’est La vie.

I am not here to champion cynicism. I am with Conan, generally; it’s a vile trait that should be used as a tool in rare and necessary situations. It’s a shame that Conan has such a distaste for it that he couldn’t recognize its’ positive benefits at a crucial time of his professional life.

Rather, I would like to focus on the sage wisdom found in this mildly talented and galactically lucky man; nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. No one can have it all. Life is about choices and the consequences that come from those choices. Ask Tiger Woods. One year ago, every man in America woke up wishing they were Tiger; today every man in America wakes up thankful they aren’t Tiger.

The history of our world is littered with people who others thought “had it all,” who were in fact desperately dying on the inside, and in almost every case the reason for the suffering was choices, consequences, regret and an unrealistic expectation of life.

You can’t have it all. You can have a beautiful, loving family and a rewarding, successful career but you aren’t going to be the best you can be at both of them. You will be forced to choose, time and again, which of them gets your full attention at any given moment and by necessary consequence, the other will suffer. Accepting that reality is the step most people never take; learning to acknowledge that there are limitations to what we can gather, garner and achieve in our lives is perhaps the single most lacking trait in our culture today.

As a guy who bemoans complacency, allow me to be clear; no one should ever settle for less than what they want (as long, of course, as what they’re going after is attainable within their abilities. Unrealistic goals are as damaging as having none. If someone would have told half the people who audition on American Idol how horrible they sang when they were children, they would have given them the greatest gift of their life). Settling for less than what you want is not the same as accepting that you can’t have it all. Define your dream and then attain it, but understand that numerous other opportunities must and will fall by the wayside. Or, you will have to alter your dream. Sorry, that’s life. Choose and accept the consequence.

Conan O’ Brien dreamt of hosting the “Tonight Show” long ago and has made almost all of his choices along the way with an eye towards achieving that goal. Along the way, his anticipation and excitement, combined with his choice to eschew cynicism, created the consequence of having his dream ripped away from him.

There’s nothing sad about Conan’s story, nor is there anything evil about it. Nobody took anything from him, he allowed it as a consequence of choices he had made. Neither NBC nor Jay Leno are the villains in this latest late night chapter, they are simply self-interested people and entities who acted to preserve their own priorities…along the way one of the things that went by the wayside was Conan O’Brien.

None of that is evil, cynical, selfish or even wrong. And, to be candid, none of it is fair. Which is why there’s only way to describe all of it; life. That’s simply, in a nutshell, life.

Life is a series of choices and their consequences, intended or not, which lead to a whole new series of choices in a never-ending cycle of unfairness. You either embrace and play the game or you don’t. Whatever you choose, accept the consequence.