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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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November 27th, 2006 A "DR. ROB" LETTER TO MYSELF A quick disclaimer to begin with; what you are about to read has been through three drafts, two hours of work and a read-through by my wife. Usually I write these things in 15 minutes, spell-check, and have them posted. I have never denied that this show provides me a form of therapy and apparently with this column I am taking things to a new level. My wife and I almost decided not to print it because it is so personal and self-serving, but in the end we felt that it gives you what we hope will be a fascinating insight into my personal life and thoughts; along the way it may even help a few people. At the very least, we know that many of you thoroughly enjoy the behind-the-scenes, personal, inner-workings of the show so hopefully this fulfills that desire. And now, on to this week's "Soapbox"... For those of you who are new to the show, the "Dr. Rob" feature is a regular feature on the show that involves people writing in for advice, guidance, help, suggestions and criticisms on a variety of issues. We call it the "Ask Dr. Rob" segment, not because I have any formal training, but because I am incredibly brilliant and successful. Sometimes though, even the doctor needs to heal himself. Since I am the smartest person I know, I thought I would turn to myself for advice. Enjoy this column; it may be the most personal thing I ever write on this page.
Dear Dr. Me, The holidays always seem to bring out the turmoil in everyone else's life, don't they? I don't know if it's the actual time of the year, the added stress of the holiday happenings or just a fluke, but it never seems to fail that this time of the year, when I am so jolly, that everyone else seems to be either dealing with or causing themselves undo pain and/or heartache. Here's a little background; I am a happily married, successful guy who at the age of 35 has already accomplished most of my personal, financial and life goals that I had set for myself when I was 16. I am at the point in my life now where I am making up new goals in new areas to keep myself challenged. Oh sure, I go through the same little life issues that everyone else does involving bad nights of sleep, terrible drivers on the road, stresses at the workplace and what have you, but for the most part my life is as good as it gets. The problem, Doctor, is this; most people I know can't make those same claims to calm and/or happiness that I can. Many, in fact, are heading the wrong direction, while others are battling with a variety of issues. Here are some examples: *I have a father dealing with a horrible illness in his wife. *I have a mother who fights the daily battle of being just a little cuckoo, while also having to maintain a full-time job while in her 60's. *I have a wife who is at times too sweet to people that don't deserve it, is still recovering from and helping with a recent major death in her family, and is consistently struggling with the "should we or shouldn't we" start a family question. *And my friends? Oy vey, don't get me started on my friends… but since you, I mean I, mentioned it: *I have a friend who barely escaped a tour in Iraq with his life who wants to re-enlist solely because he feels like he's "not doing enough," back in the civilian sector. *I have a friend who is dying to start a family but is paralyzed by fear from doing so. *I have a friend who so badly wants to be loved that he constantly gives too much of himself too quickly and is devastated by the results every time… and is doing so again. *I have a friend who is cheating on his wife and simultaneously struggles with the reasons, eventual outcome and his lack of guilt. *I have a friend who is barely holding on financially. He makes the bill payments, doesn't fall further behind, but isn't quite sure how he's going to get ahead. Last week, his chest hurt from the stress of it all. *I have a friend who has an incredible life and doesn't even know it or appreciate it because all he wants is the acceptance of others… when what he really needs to do is love and accept himself. *I have a friend who just found out he didn't have a relapse of his cancer and another who just found out that his is terminal. *I have a friend whose family treats her horribly but she holds on to a few of the relationships under the guise of "doing it for the kids," even though her family always makes her feels bad when she is around them… which she lies to herself about. *I have a friend who wants to marry a girl half his age but is afraid of what others will say and think, despite his happiness. *I have a friend who feels guilty over how great her life is, even though she's gotten there by smart choices and the people she feels badly for have created their own problems through their bad choices.
Dear Me, Thanks for writing. It must take a lot for a guy like you to open up in such a way and reveal any weaknesses. Bravo to you for your undaunted courage. And let's talk about that courage, shall we? I think that you may be forgetting what it is about you that makes you so happy and makes others happy as well. Many years ago, when you were in your 20's, a great mentor of yours helped you realize how others saw you. It was a life-altering experience that allowed you to be, unequivocally, yourself. It turned out that people already respected you, trusted you, counted on you and knew they could rely on you in times of crisis (you just weren't willing yet at that point in your life to give yourself the credit you deserved). Think about all of the people that you listed above and I bet 90% of them would want you to be the captain of their ship in a time of great personal turmoil. That is your role in many of their lives. You're not their cheerleader, you're their rock. The married guy isn't telling you his quandary for support or sympathy, he's telling you so that when his world crashes down, as it will, you will be there to stabilize his life. Same with the friends dealing with illnesses; they don't want you to cry for them, they want you to guide them through the process. Everyone else they know is crying for them… you not only shouldn't, but can't, lest you let them down. Your friends know you well enough to know that you will not offer an opinion unless asked. Let them ask. Until they do, it isn't your job or your burden to feel badly for any of them, despite their problems, whether they recognize them or not. It is your job to be ready for them as each of them needs you, as they all will, always. One of your best friends once described you as a guy who sees the world the way it should be, not the way that it is. This is your gift in your personal relationships. You see people as who they are and how they should feel and behave, and you try to guide them in that direction. What's even more important is that you don't try to make people feel and act like you do; you try to get them to do what's best for them. Perhaps most importantly though is that through all of your attempts to guide people you never try to turn them into something they aren't. Your friend Arnie will never be a suit-wearing, stock analyzing businessman and you know that, respect that and in fact embrace that. I remember once years ago when you were training a potential manager at a radio station you gave him some very important advice. This manager in training was struggling with whether or not to take a day off at a crucial time for the radio station. The day off would have been used for a very personal, very important reason but your would-be manager felt it was more important to show the team that he always put the station first. You told him to take the day off and reminded him that he would insist on the same thing for any of the other employees in the building, emphasizing the point by telling him, "always remember to give yourself the same treatment that you give the people around you. Just because you may rank higher than some, doesn't mean you have to fall on the sword all the time." So, Me, why not give yourself a break and give yourself the same treatment you give your friends and family? You are who you are and apparently plenty of people love you for it, most notably, yourself. You have no apologies to make nor should you. As long as you are fulfilling your role in their lives, you are being the best Rob that you can be for them.
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