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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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December 3rd, 2007 GOD DOESN'T ANSWER PRAYERS I am not a religious person, although I am very spiritual. I believe there are things greater than us, created by someone or something far beyond our ability to comprehend. To me, it is a logical leap that with all there is that we simply can’t explain, control or understand, there must be something (or was something) far superior to us to have created it all. One of the things that separates me from many people is that I am not afraid of death (mine or anyone else’s) because I actually believe that with death come some answers. People who have died have (as they say on television) “crossed over,” either to another existential form of existence or into a complete and utter non-existence. In both scenarios, whether the departed is able to comprehend it or not, he or she is a step closer to answering one of the greatest conundrums of our time; who are we, where did we come from, and where are we going? Put another way, “what is the meaning of life?” Alas, that is essentially as close as I will allow myself to get to any form of “religion.” Spirituality and religion have almost nothing to do with one another. Spirituality has a vast array of definitions, but for the purpose of this essay, I am focusing on spirituality in the abstract; it is, essentially, the act of being in touch with forces greater than yourself and applying those forces to your own existence through, above all else, faith. All religion operates on faith. Since none of it is provable in the absolute sense, the only way a religion of any kind can survive is on the faith of its’ followers. In vain attempts to prove their faith, the followers will claim to have substantiated their beliefs through the manipulation of science and statistics, but at the end of the day, faith still carries the arguments into tomorrow. In that sense, it is identical to man-made global warming. But I digress. Spirituality in my world involves faith, but it is faith in myself, not my God. This is where the disconnect between my world and the religious world begins in earnest. For my form of spirituality, I trust in myself and my ability to thoughtfully reason that I am fairly insignificant when placed on the canvas of eternity. Perhaps, I submit, the true meaning of life is understanding how little we each matter. Either way, I refuse to believe that a God of any kind would create an entire universe, let alone me, and instill in me an inability to love and respect and trust myself. That would be a pretty crappy God. Yet, that is exactly what we are told in America and across the world by almost all forms of almost all religions, save just a few (and those religions have there own defects). Most of the religious teachings on this planet are insulting to not just my intelligence, but I believe to God’s as well. Think, just for a moment of a couple of the things that man has told us about God: God created man in his own image: Let’s start with the arrogance of this statement. Imagine, just for a moment, the audacity it takes to claim that we, the human race, are God’s image of himself. Well, excuuuuuse me, aren’t we an impressive lot? Secondly, how in the world did some jackass 2000 years ago come up with this? From what I have seen, there are a vast number of creatures on Earth that behave in a much more civilized and godly way than humans do. For my money, God created dolphins in his own image. Finally, and most importantly, if we are to truly believe that we are the human form of whatever it is that God is, than I want nothing to do with God. Look around you. We are surrounded by a society of rude, arrogant, self-centered mal-contents who are over-drugged, under-appreciative and void of self respect. If God is anything like that (which I am certain he isn’t which is why this “creed” is so stupid to begin with), than I will pass on shaking hands with the big guy. By the way, a quick aside; perhaps my favorite part of dealing with religious zealots is watching them find ways to defend their belief system. When asked how we know God created man in his own image they say “because the bible tells us so in Genesis,” never acknowledging that the bible is a book written by men, at least 40 years after the events allegedly took place. To test the validity of that premise, simply start a rumor in a bar and see how warped the facts of the story have become by the time it gets back to you. This is what we call worshipping at the altar of “Cheers.” False Idols/no other gods before me: This, above all other religious teachings, is my favorite, with the sarcastic-o-meter turned to “10” when I use the word “favorite.” Imagine , if you will, a supreme being with a complex. Add to it a complete and total lack of self esteem and a hankering for Prozac and you get the God that is described in this commandment. No one other than an insecure human, would imagine that a God would order his creations to follow him. Leadership is defined not by telling people the right way, but by doing by example and thus watching those touched by your example following you. No god worth his salt, let alone a boss, mentor or parent would ever need to compel someone to follow him. In fact, a great leader encourages not just dissent but disagreement, knowing that he (the leader) is fully confident in his positions and that, at the end of the day, he will be proven right by his own actions. It is astonishing to me that religion, which is built upon faith, denies its’ followers the ability to practice faith when it comes to God. My father once taught me the key to loyalty, respect, friendship and leadership with a simple analogy that perfectly illustrates my point; A friend will walk across the desert with you to help you find a pot of gold…a TRUE friend will walk across the desert with you just because you ask them to do so. This lesson applies not just to friendship but also to employees, protégés, children and more and is a commentary not on the followers, but rather on the leaders of the desert trek. I challenge you to implement the test in your own life; would your child follow you into the desert just because you asked him to? Your wife? Best friend? Employee? These are the tests of leadership by example and they point out the audacity of a God who would ever need to command such behavior. A loving God (and there is no other kind) would encourage his disciples to explore other choices and welcome each of them back with loving arms when they realized that he (the God) was in fact correct in his convictions. The list of these gloriously arrogant, oxymoronic “teachings” goes on and on. One of my favorite teachings however, has been so fantastically morphed in the past 100 years it is hard to discuss without breaking out into guttural laughter at the sheer silliness of the whole topic, which is, prayer. Decades ago, you were to ask God to answer your prayers. This was most stereotypically presented on family TV shows of the 1950s and 60s when we would always see the little girl, kneeling aside her bed with her hands intertwined and her eyes closed, as she would ask God to love and protect her mommy, daddy and teddy bear; adorable and stupid all at once. Later, as we made our way through the “no such thing as personal responsibility” 1960’s and 1970s, we morphed prayer into simply “giving your problems to the Lord.” This was a true stroke of genius perpetrated upon us in a collective effort by the original tele-evangelists of Robertson, Graham, Roberts, Schueller, Falwell and the like. It was a brilliant way to adapt to the citizenry while still keeping the coffers full; religion decided to tell us that God was basically the clearing house for all of our troubles, problems and sins and all we had to do each day was “give him” our toils and ask for forgiveness and he would bear the burden for us, just as his son did on the cross for the human race centuries ago. Barf. Somewhere along the way a lot of people realized how asinine that premise was and began once again molding what the true meaning of prayer was. Yet another stroke of genius was bestowed upon the religious thinkers (no doubt a sign from God) and once again they created a definition of prayer that did wonders to re-enforce the importance of giving money to a church. The latest, and still current, justification for prayer is that one should pray for the wisdom to follow God’s plan. In other words, we humans are just drooling idiots fumbling along the planet hoping that we will make the right choices God has laid before us (as if he has had time to pre-ordain every intricate detail of 6 billion lives…I mean, c’mon, I know he’s God and all, but even he has football to watch!). We have no role whatever in our outcomes, other than whether or not we choose to follow God, because we are all just rats to the Lord’s pied piper. Life, apparently, is nothing more than “let’s Make a Deal,” with the role of Monty Hall being played by God. Choose the door God has created, and you will enjoy all of the riches you are owed. However, if you choose the door Satan has created, you will burn afire for all of eternity while dressed as a carrot on the back of a braying ass. Keep in mind, of course, that the only way you’ll know which door to choose at any given moment is by going to church as often as possible. Remember, also that tithing is 10% of Gross income, not net; thank you, come again. The problem with all of this is, as usual, the arrogance and ignorance that humans insist on attaching to God. In the religious world, God is some sort of insecure, micro-managing, vindictive overlord who sits around watching every one of us all the time just waiting for us to screw up so that he can throw a lightning bolt at us. Other people make God out to be more like Santa Claus, just waiting to grant you your secret wish as long as you’re following most of his teachings (or at least trying). In Georgia a few weeks ago, the god-damned governor actually led a prayer ceremony asking God to bring rain to the drought ridden region. Are you kidding me? God does not care, know about or deal with this minutia…no supreme being would. God, if he exists, is like the father of the universe, not the Darth Vader. A father is just like any other teacher, mentor or leader in that their goal is (or should be) exclusively identical; whether you are raising a child or mentoring a protégé, success is achieved when you have become irrelevant. A grown man should not call his father because he doesn’t know how to attach his cufflinks, he should call his father because he loves and respects his company. We don’t become our own person until we realize that we no longer need the approval of our parents, rather we need the approval of ourselves. Imagine how pathetic God would be if he was as needy and clingy and insecure as he is described; he would be just like that 50 year old mother who sits around ringing her hands wondering why her 25 year old, married adult daughter hasn’t called her in the last 20 minutes. I simply refuse to believe that God can be so emotionally vapid, and if he somehow is, than I certainly would refuse to describe him as “supreme.”
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