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| Rob's Soapbox | ||
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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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April 30th, 2007 THE HYSTERICAL WAY LIGHT BULBS WILL KILL US ALL One of my favorite pastimes is observing the arrogance and stupidity of the human race finding a way to fuck everything up. For decades we have instituted a variety of ill conceived, poorly thought out policies whose ultimate outcomes have produced worse results than the previous problem that was meant to be fixed. A few of my recent favorites: **This year, we began daylight savings 3 weeks early. The goal of this idiotic idea was to "conserve energy," under the guise of longer days equaling less need for artificial light fueled by electricity. Less than a month into this brilliant idea the results were in; America is using the same amount of electrical energy (because you need more light in the morning when it's darker longer) AND driving more than usual, taking advantage of the longer days, thus burning up more gasoline. NET RESULT: At least as much electricity usage, more gasoline usage, higher fuel prices sooner than needed. Awesome. **The environmental hysteria combined with Muslim-aphobia in this nation has forced us to look elsewhere for refined fuel or for alternative fuel ideas. As a result, ethanol, a corn based fuel idea that has no chance of supplying America with its needed fuel, has become the newest in vogue "buzz word" and has multiplied exponentially in production. The problem of course, is that ethanol must be made by corn in a nation where we have done all we can over the past 25 years to force the American farmer into extinction. With a shortage of farmers and a renewed demand, corn prices have tripled (wait until you want to barbeque some corn on the cob this summer!) and most importantly Mexico's economy, booming 3 months ago, is now in dire straits because corn is their most consumed product (think: tortillas!). NET RESULT: Absolutely no progress on an idea that has absolutely no chance of making any type of reasonable dent in our nation's fuel quandary, while simultaneously halting Mexico's economy and thus forcing even more illegal aliens to sneak into America, making all of our most pressing problems worse. **20 years ago grocery stores around the nation were forced to coerce their customers into taking their food home in plastic bags because brown paper bags were killing trees (an idiotic premise since trees are a renewable resource…just plant more, dummy). Earlier this month, San Francisco, America's most embarrassing city, became the first of many to outlaw plastic bags because they are bad for the environment. Soon you'll be forced to carry home your groceries in your sphincter. NET RESULT: Higher prices associated with store costs having to produce both paper and plastic bags for 20 years, unknown damage to the environment, most notably the sea which absorbs the brunt of the plastic plight, and no effect at all on the amount of trees in the world. Well done.
**One of the more idiotic kenards of the past 12 months has been trans fats. Granted, trans fats are an unhealthy food additive caused by a chemical combination of hydrogen and cooking oils, but they are also hardly our most pressing obesity challenge in America. In fact, we as a people eat 5 times more saturated fats than trans fats, so focusing on the latter ignores the real issue. This is just like forcing children in America to wear bicycle helmets to address the whopping 100 killed each year, rather than working on the fact that cars accidents kill kids 10-24 years old more than ANYTHING else worldwide ( click here for the news article)!! Additionally, of course, the nanny-state mentality NEVER works and simply creates MORE problems, as has, once again already been proven with the trans fats ban that has begun to grab hold of numerous cities. As a result of being forced to eliminate trans fats, chefs and food companies must find more creative ways to make food taste great, resulting in, as it turns out, outcomes that are pretty much just as bad as trans fats. Nice work. NET RESULT: Higher prices of food as a result of regulated changes and a culture that is more controlled, but no more healthy.
**For decades we have been told that we, the human race, are destroying the Earth. It began, you may remember, in the 1970's with the idiotic outcry over using too many trees and/or the destruction of rain forests. We were guilted into planting more trees than we could count. Lo and behold, along comes global warming (which we've been told is also our fault) and a new report released just last week by a group of scientists that one of the primary causes of global warming is….(drum roll please)…too many god damn trees! How priceless is that? NET RESULT: Trying to outthink Mother Earth once again blows up in our face. You can't write stuff this funny.
**And so, we (FINALLY) get to the hysterical way that light bulbs will kill us all. Devoid of all logic and reason, a new craze is sweeping the nation to eliminate the good ol light bulb and replace it with modern, fluorescent light bulbs (y'know the cute ones with squiggly lines)? This, we're told, will spare the energy drain that is sucking the life out of our nation as we know it. Never mind that it takes three of those stupid squiggly bulbs to illuminate as well as one incandescent light bulb. Mentioning that would be that silly idea of using fact, logic and reason to make a point, something that isn't allowed in America circa 2007. Most hysterical is the wave of new studies pointing out that the squiggly light bulbs actually CONTAIN mercury, a pesky nerve agent that causes birth defects and developmental delays in children and kills pets, but other than that it's just great. The difference between the new squiggly bulbs and the old, big, bad, incandescent bulbs is the latter releases mercury into the air, while the former actually contains mercury. Meaning, when they break, crack, melt or leak, your family breathes in a nice serving of a nerve agent. NET RESULT: Less energy use, caused by killing off the population slowly via Mercury Poisoning. God Bless America.
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