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You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something...

 

August 8th, 2005

THE ROB AND ARNIE LITTLE LEAGUE


A father wrote the show last week upset that his child didn't play in his team's little league tournament. He is the latest parent upset that he was robbed his fatherly moment to watch his son play his required innings forced upon the coaches by rule. While it turned out that there was a little more to his specific story, that isn't the case with most of these parents. As I said on the show that day, the coaches should follow the rules… however, we should also all step back and analyze the legitimacy of the rule itself.

The required innings rule exists to insure that children get their playing time (exercise) in organized leagues that their parents are paying for. The concept is neat and does guarantee that all children will be exposed to the game, the concept and the physical activity.

I am fine with the rule until the age of 12. Once these kids turn 13, it is time for them to graduate (like they do from elementary to middle school) to a new stage in life; the one where they are taught that you have to EARN things in life, including playing time. At the age of 13, the kids know the game. At the age of 13, the kids are already finding ways to exercise or they aren't. Thus, the main reasons for the required playing time rule are out the window. Additionally, at the age of 13 it's time to learn how important winning is. Fun is great, but winning matters. Sadly, we keep the rule around because we live in a silly society that refuses to teach kids that they aren't good enough to do certain things. Parents upset with coaches who don't play their kids are literally ruining our culture. Rather than use this instance to teach his son about the importance of working hard, getting better, realizing that life isn't fair, lobbying for playing time and the fact that there will always be someone who wants it more than you, this father used this instance to whine and call for the coaches heads.

It's nice to believe that people should be held accountable for their actions, and these coaches should, but the truth is that you can only control your own behaviors and reactions. Punishing these coaches won't teach his son anything other than how to run to the teacher whenever things go wrong.

In the end, we need to start weeding these parents and their pansy children out of our society. That's why it's time to build a better mousetrap. I am working on the rough draft of the initial set of rules for my new baseball league for teens. If I have to, I'll pay to build the parks I need to hold the games. There will be no city or county oversight, thus no ridiculous government regulations imposed on me. My league will be a private enterprise governed solely by my set of rules and will provide a real life alternative to the feel-good, namby-pamby Little League rules than are wussifying our children during their important teen years. All of the net proceeds earned by the league will be re-invested into the league.

Arnie will act as my league commissioner and enforcer. What could be a better way for Arnie to release his pent up aggression than dealing with whiny parents who don't like the way their crappy kid is being coached?


The league motto will be simple...

 

"Winning is fun."

 

 

The following is the first draft of the rules of the league:

*All league participants will be male

*All will be 13-15 years old. The idea of the league is to provide a bridge to high school level baseball. If you aren't playing on the high school team at age 16, you suck butt.

*All coaches will be male

*All league officials (secretary, treasurer, etc) will be male, or hot females approved by the League founder and Commissioner.

*The league will follow the rules of Major League baseball.

*Anyone interested in joining the league will pay a try-out fee and show up to the try-out camp held on Saturday and Sunday from 8am - 6pm. If your child sucks, he will not be drafted and your money will not be refunded.

*All children who are drafted will be allowed into the league and charged the full price of joining the league. Payable in full, up front before the first game of the season.

*There is no guarantee of playing time. The coach plays the players he thinks will help him win. It is possible that your crappy son will never play even one inning, even though he made the team.

*There are no pussy rules restricting how many innings a pitcher may throw. It is up to the player and coach to determine a players' ability to play.

*League rules will prohibit any team from awarding players with trophies or other accolades for simply "participating," or "trying hard."

*There will be a league MVP voted on by players, coaches and officers. That players' fees will be waived for the following year.

* At the end of the season, the first place team will be rewarded with $10,000 to be divided amongst the team based on a vote of the players and parents. Players will each have 1/3 vote, each parent and coaches vote will count as 2/3. Under league rule, however, any player who failed to show for any game of the season will be docked 20% of his "earnings" for his failure to contribute to the teams' success. Life sucks, deal with it.

 

That's the first draft. I'm sure you have some ideas on how I can improve on this. Good for you. I don't care. This isn't the U.N. I'll let you know when I'm done and then Arnie and I will decide who's fit to coach in our league. Stay tuned.



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