March 9th, 2009

THE LOST CITY BY THE BAY

I grew up in the East Bay area of California in a town called Pleasanton, just a 35 minute drive (back then) to San Francisco. When I turned sixteen in 1987 I drove myself into the city every single chance I could get (of course back then we weren’t living in a police state that had deemed to retard the intellectual growth of 16 year olds as we have done now by not allowing them to drive alone or after dark or ever; dumbest law ever…but I digress).

San Francisco was always a progressive city. From my earliest memories it was known as a city that welcomed and encouraged, not just tolerated all walks of life and lifestyle. That attitude, combined with its unquestionable beauty made it my favorite city on earth. Alas, that city is gone now and an embarrassing shell of what it used to be, should be, and never again will be, stands in its place.

There is no Mayor Rudy Giuliani waiting in the wings of San Francisco. In the early 1990s New York had become the worst city in America; tourism was at an all time low, crime at all time high and the epitaphs of the city were being carved in stone. Nearly two decades later, Giuliani’s unwavering and unpopular commitment to returning his city to its people stands as an unquestionable triumph of leadership and a people demanding to take their city back. To this day, the only people who fail to acknowledge what Hizzoner did are hand wringing, namby-pamby hippies who honestly believe that homeless people should be allowed to crap on your kids’ head in Central Park.

In 1987, I drove to San Francisco at least once a month; I walked along the shores of North Beach looking out at the Golden Gate Bridge and traversed the Embarcadero towards Pier 39. I sought out Filbert street to test the brakes on my Mustang as I descended down the steepest street in the city, overlooking one of the greatest views in the world. Whether it was visiting the zoo, having breakfast at Sears’ famous pancake house or sitting by the bay, the city provided an unwavering sense of calm. Everyone accepted and tolerated each other and left well enough alone relatively. There were the usual big city trappings of the occasional beggar, the random bum sleeping in an alley and things like traffic, noise and a lot of bustling that you come to expect in a huge metropolitan area. Let’s be candid; we’re talking San Francisco here, not Omaha. No huge city is without its annoyances, but the city by the bay was always gorgeous, safe, accepting and fun; no longer.

My first job in radio was in San Francisco working weekend overnights (midnight to 5am) on KOIT; that meant parking in a dark alley, walking a block to the station and back at 11pm and 5:15 am on weekend nights and mornings. I never felt threatened or worried about my car or my person. Today, I won’t walk my wife down that same alley in broad daylight.

It’s not that San Francisco has become “unsafe,” it has become unsavory. The city has allowed itself to be turned over to radical apologists who are very brazen about their desire to turn the city into the beacon of hope for every miscreant, weirdo, misfit, criminal, ne’r do well, transgendered freak-a-zoid on the planet. We all know the sad, pathetic stories that began more than a decade ago when San Francisco literally started not just allowing, but encouraging their homeless population to literally crap on the city sidewalks; honestly, I mean that they told them to poop on the city streets; a true monument to the degradation of a once great city. Homeless people are like bears; they will stay in hiding until you encourage their behavior by feeding them honey or offering them a stoop to shit in; once a bear finds a food source and a bum finds a bathroom, they call all of their hairy friends and create a community right in your back yard or on the grassy knoll of Union Square.

San Francisco has had no check or balance for 3 decades. Usually when a community swings too far in the wrong direction (as New York did in the 80s with its lackadaisical approach to crime) the citizens demand a shifting of the pendulum and allow extreme measures in the opposite direction to be implemented in the hopes of restoring balance. New York, though a city with plenty of problems and absurd ordinances, is now literally the safest large city in the world. Shift completed.

San Francisco meanwhile has been told and encouraged to push the envelope with no allowed opposition. Anyone who dares to voice some common sense in, around or about that city is swiftly demonized as an intolerant homophobe bigot who should be immolated. When homeless people began pissing and crapping on the sidewalks, the city passed a law so everyone knew it was legal (but only if you’re homeless, by the way. If you’re caught pissing on Post street and have a home, you’ll be arrested…go figure). Eventually, the city decided to spend its citizens’ money by putting up porta-potties all over the city (a true sight to behold in such a gorgeous place). Lo and behold, all are left wondering how and why homeless people have vandalized and destroyed the porta-potties. Who woulda thunk that people with no homes or jobs who find it acceptable to live on the very streets they crap on would then mistreat plastic huts “given” to them by the city. Gee whiz, no one could have seen that coming I suppose.

And so the disintegration of the city had begun. In the past year, there has been a flood of embarrassing stories from the once great city by the bay; ranging from electing some woman with a penis to the city council (or something like that, I really couldn’t care less) to passing an ordinance to construct giant nets around the Golden Gate Bridge in an idiotic and doomed to fail attempt to stop suicides. I can’t wait to drive the city a decade from now when they finally have the whole bridge netted; what a glorious sight it will be to see one of the seven man-made wonders of the world wrapped in cheesecloth as I watch a suicidal person dart in front of a car going 60 miles per hour, somehow outsmarting the wizards of smart who deemed a net would rid the city of self loathing.

Recently, though, two stories stunning even for San Francisco have made news. Both involve the reality that our economy is in recession. While our current recession is still not yet as bad as the 1981 recession, it will most likely swiftly get there, especially now that our glorious leaders in Washington have implemented a stimulus package that will stimulate nothing. The fact of the matter is that even a city whose politics literally border on communism like San Francisco should be doing anything and everything to attract business, commerce, customers and spending. Even San Francisco should be willing, for now, to step back from trying to control everyone and everything for all of our own good and just accept any sort of financial interaction it can get.

Sadly, San Francisco is officially too far gone. You know it’s bad when the local newspaper, the Chronicle, starts to write opinion pieces demonizing the citizenry for being anti-business. This would be like Jeffrey Dahmer telling Charles Manson that he’s barbaric. No where in America is a city more supported by its own newspaper than San Francisco, where the Chronicle is almost comically anti-American; yet even that paper sees now that ideology and insanity have taken over the city, even if it means destroying the very place they live.

In February, American Apparel, a business known for hiring minority workers and paying double the minimum wage (and excellent benefits) wanted to open shop in the city. By all accounts, American Apparel is the quintessential San Francisco-type store; environmentally conscious, liberal, kitschy, minority-friendly, progressive, etc. The problem with American Apparel? They are successful. You see, in San Francisco, they want only businesses that fail; mom & pop stores that sell crap no one really wants are welcomed at every corner because they are “magical,” but dare to seek out the American dream on the streets of San Francisco and you will be told that you are part of the imperialist America the world hates. American Apparel would have brought jobs, dollars and rejuvenation to an area of the city that desperately needs it, yet a throng of losers packed city hall and shouted it down. A stunning opinion piece on the event can be read here:  http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/02/09/EDCL15OVLG.DTL&hw=American+Apparel&sn=001&sc=1000
I encourage you strongly to read it to be reminded how far evil can stretch when left unchecked.

The other story that broke recently is almost so contradictory it’s hard to explain; During hard economic times the most liberal city in America wants now to limit the one type of business that seems to be thriving beyond all others and just happens to dabble in a sector the city passionately supports. Still with me? San Francisco, of all places, where debauchery, ludeness, flamboyancy, and outright illegality has been encouraged for decades now suddenly wants to limit the number of shops selling marijuana paraphenalia. Huh? NOW you decide to find morality? And of all the things that occur in San Francisco that make most Americans queezy, you choose to attack the one thing that almost no one under the age of 50 objects to any longer; marijuana?http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5i9rZ_yYn6PuxmBik79yl12vSTDywD96B0SS80

This is what happens when a slippery slope is left un-questioned. Twenty years ago if I would have described what San Francisco has become people would have waved their hand dismissively and said stupidly, “that’ll never happen.” Today, the city by the bay serves as a model of what happens when fringe lunacy goes unchecked; here’s hoping it stays isolated there and doesn’t spread.