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| Rob's Soapbox | ||
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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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July 31st, 2006 "PRODUCER NICK" IS RIGHT A few times over the past four years, Producer Nick has espoused one of his theories about life as it relates to asshole drivers. To paraphrase the theory, Nick hypothesizes that the reason people, for example, knowingly drive 55 in the fast lane of the freeway while cars follow closely behind trying to pass is that it is the slow driver's one chance in his miserable life to control something, anything. In other words, if I may be so bold as to take Nick's theory and expound upon it, the idea is as follows: Many people spend their lives taking and having no control. They marry the wrong person, they wallow daily in the wrong job, they have no financial skills or responsibilities, their personal relationships are tenuous if not all together fake, and overall, they lead miserable lives which they have zero control over. They see no way out of their despair and they have no inclination to accept responsibility for the messes they've created in their own lives, nor do they desire to do any work to change things. Thus, these people crave any chance to be a big shot. This is where Nick's theory specifically applies to the slow driver in the fast lane; this is his one chance to be in charge and, in his mind, hopefully make someone else's life as awful as his, even if for just a few moments. In his world, he is exacting justice upon a random stranger because none of his problems are his fault, so it's only fair if he gets to create problems for someone else who he knows nothing about. Obviously Nick's theory doesn't apply to every slow driver in every fast lane. Many people don't even know they are traveling so slowly because they are so rudely self involved that they are oblivious. These people are assholes for an entirely different reason than Nick's theory. The truth is, though, that often times in life not just on the freeway you observe people who are very clearly living out the Producer Nick theory. The chance to be a big shot is something miserable, out of control people simply can't avoid. Those of us who have our lives together are the exact opposite; people will often comment on how we avoid the chance to "throw our weight around," choosing instead to travel the path of moderation and problem solving. This is because we don't need to find a way to boost our egos; we already know our place in the world and are quite comfortable with it. People who have created miserable existences, however, need to take every chance they can to, at least just for a moment in time, feel like they are in charge of something. These are the people that yell at store clerks for a problem the clerk didn't create and can't fix, that talk loudly on their cell phones so that others can hear how important they are, that intentionally play slow golf in front of a faster group, and these are the people that condescend to their waiters and waitresses regardless of the service because it is the only person in life they feel they can look down upon. These are all the same people who laugh out loud at their own jokes because it's the only way they can get any validation and these are the people that always tell you how wrong you are about things they have no idea about. Essentially, they are all cut from the same cloth; all of them are leading awful lives, know it, and have no idea how to fix it. Eventually these people will become the Red Foremans (of "that 70's Show" fame) of the world who believe that life sucks and there's nothing that can be done to make that reality any different, so why try? The politically correct cretins of our society will respond to Nick's theory by demanding that those of us who lead great lives try to be more understanding of the trails and tribulations that the less fortunate, either monetarily or emotionally, must endure. What they really mean is that we should not only tolerate the behavior, but we should encourage and endure it. It is, you see, our cross to bear that we were "lucky" in life and our penance is to accept the abuse hoisted upon us by those we have trampled upon on our way to our privileged lifestyle. Sick isn't it? Welcome to America. There is another option, though it is hard. Obviously, when it is necessary you must confront these idiots. If you are the one being yelled at for a problem you did not cause and cannot fix, pride demands that you not tolerate that behavior. However, when possible, it is best to find a way to ignore the very existence of these scumbag losers in life. Remember one of Rob's truths about life; People are just like dogs. Usually this truth applies to the fact that all people, just like dogs, want to be trained and lead and there are very few of us who actually want to do what it takes to lead the pack. In this case, however, these cretins are just like dogs in that they crave your validation to substitute for their void filled lives. When raising a dog, a smart and wise owner learns that when a puppy acts like an asshole you don't yell at the dog or hit the dog, you ignore the dog. When your dog refuses to come on command, turn your back to him and watch how quickly he comes to your side. Why? Because yelling at or even hitting the dog is giving him what he craves; attention. Ignoring him drives him insane. So, remember that these cretins are just like dogs and rather than tailgate them in the fast lane and give them the joy of controlling your emotions, lay back, wait for a chance to pass them in a different lane and then drive by them, ignoring their very presence. Remember that hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. The very thing these losers need is to be validated and if you can find a way to ignore the fact that they take breaths, it will drive them deeper and deeper into their own self created despair. You will be happy, they will be miserable, and you will have caused none of it, they will have created all of it. The greatest revenge is still living well.
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