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| Rob's Soapbox | ||
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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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September 16, 2007 THE BEDROOM TELEVISION NAZIS One of the more curious human foibles that has always fascinated me has been the “mind tricks” some people like to play on themselves in some odd sort of retarded Machiavellian attempt to convince their own human mind that what they know is reality isn’t really reality and they know it…really. Don’t worry, by the way, this column isn’t nearly as deep and/or filled with psychobabble as that opening paragraph might suggest. For example, for decades now I have been stunned by the massive number of people who intentionally set their alarm clocks ahead by 10 minutes in some type of silly attempt to arrive at places on time or get more sleep. The theory, as I understand it, is that people who are dawdlers, procrastinators and/or just lazy by nature, will chew up the “extra 10 minutes” and therefore arrive places right on time or even early in some cases. This of course defies the very laws of nature, since the procrastinator is the person who set the clock fast in the first place. How delusional and/or forgetful would a person have to be to not know that they have a 10 minute cushion? Besides, we all know how this silly little scenario actually plays out when put in practice; if you need to wake up at 7 every morning and set your clock 10 minutes fast, you simply hit the snooze button when the alarm goes off each morning knowing that you have an extra 10 minutes. Why not just set the alarm for 6:50? You aren’t really sleeping until 7; and creating some fantasy world where time is kept in an arbitrary fashion doesn’t change the reality of the situation! Some jerks have even extended the “set the clock ahead” trick into their cars, watches, etc. in a clown-like attempt to arrive places on time. The theory is that while racing to your scheduled appointment, you will look at the clock and see that you are running 5 minutes late, but upon arriving, you will miraculously discover that you have, in fact, arrived 5 minutes early! Apparently, all of you who subscribe to this idiocy go through some sort of Jason Bourne-like-amnesia fog when you get into your car, thus allowing you to completely forget that you were the one who set your clock ahead and that you are always running on a time line that is fake. This seems like a lot of mental energy expended when the real solution would simply be to apply some self discipline and be more competent when it comes to getting ready and arriving places on time. No amount of mind screwing can replace commitment and dedication to a goal. Alas, we have a fairly recent mind-screw technique that takes the lack of self discipline to whole new level. It’s one thing to lie to yourself and set your clocks fast in a failed attempt to try and mislead your own mind. It’s an entirely new level of laziness and lack of self discipline to remove temptation rather than resist it. This brings us to the bedroom television Nazis. Made up usually of women, this growing group of losers has a very simple mantra; the bedroom is no place for a TV. As I understand this stupidity, the theory is that the very presence of a television is anathema to not just the room, but to the ambiance and alas, to romance. By having a TV in the bedroom, says the theory, it will lead, (through temptation I surmise), to routine, interruption and a lack of intimacy. Couples will simply absorb themselves into an abyss of watching the “boob-tube,” nightly rather than catering to one’s needs. This is truly the height of avoidance, is it not? I have a ton of problems with this silly proposition. Let’s start with the very presence of the TV. Anyone who has ever had a dog knows that sexual intimacy can and will be interrupted by the animal’s presence. If you’ve ever tried to have sex in the same room as your dog, you know that it ultimately leads to a snout in an orifice. This is a funny situation to be sure, but also an interruption, and sometimes, a mood killer; the solution? Close the door and/or put the dog outside of the room being used. Using the same logic, couldn’t you just as easily not turn on the dreaded bedroom TV? Using the bedroom TV Nazis line of thinking, no couple that ever wants to have sex should ever own a dog. Logic dictates that if the presence of the TV in the bedroom is killing the mood, then the presence of the dog at all is worse by exponential levels. I presume, (being child-less), that having children is even worse to a couple’s ability to be intimate than having a dog around! Simply closing a door doesn’t always stop a child from walking in and interrupting romance (as it does with a dog), thus killing ambiance and mood and intimacy. If the bedroom TV Nazis believe that merely having a TV is too great a temptation than certainly they must, logically, deduce that having a child is completely unacceptable, right? As long as we’re focusing on the issue of TV interrupting or disturbing a couple’s ability to be intimate, one must ask the question; are these Nazis only engaging in romance in the bedroom? My God, there’s a whole world out there to be conquered sexually! Do these couples never have sex in the family room because the TV is there? Have they never done it in the kitchen because the TV is just 10 feet away in the family room? Moreover, let’s not impugn the ability of the TV to actually help intimacy and/or set the mood; whether it’s a DVD of a romantic fireplace or a full-on pornographic movie, the TV, when used with proper discipline, can precipitate a wonderful round of romantic intimacy. As for the temptation to routine argument, why stop with the television? If the theory is that the very presence of the television belies the ability to exercise discipline, then what about books? What is the difference between a person who crawls into bed and unwinds while watching the Tonight Show and one who opens a Danielle Steele novel? Neither lends itself to creating a mood of intimacy, and both distract a person from their loved one lying next to them. No bedroom should have books. Or pets, children, photographs, inspirational posters, wedding albums, or anything else that might provide that dreaded temptation of distracting these people who apparently have the attention span and ability to focus akin to that of a house cat. In the rare case that the bedroom Nazi makes the “TV is bad for sleep” health argument, the answer is still the same. It is, of course, not healthy to use the TV as a relaxation tool nor is it wise to fall asleep with the television on. Science has clearly demonstrated that it provides for a lack of R.E.M. sleep and a variety of other symptoms that are not conducive to healthy sleep patterns. Thus, exercise some self control. For example, don’t use the TV to sleep to, set the sleep timer, agree to watch TV on only a few select nights or cap the watching at no more than 3 nights per week, regardless what is on when night #4 arrives, or simply don’t go to the bedroom until the TV watching is done in the family room, to name more than a few suggestions the Nazis should look at adopting. For let us not forget that the TV can provide a variety of positives by existing in the bedroom. Along with the aforementioned mood helpers, having a TV in the bedroom can, when used properly, be a very convenient tool of entertainment and/or information or relaxation. All it takes is self control and discipline. The truth is that this is about elitism and looking down peoples’ noses. The bedroom TV Nazis can spew whatever tripe from their mouths they like, but at the end of the day there is absolutely no logic whatever at all in their position. These people don’t have televisions in their bedrooms because they heard someone say something once about TV being bad and they decided it sounded cool to be so anti-establishment. There is something empowering to a certain percentage of our society about standing in the face of the winds of culture and spitting. I have never gotten it, but I surmise that it comes from a total lack of self respect to make a decision based solely on “not following the herd.” Alas, people are of course, entitled to make their own decisions, but when they are doing so not for their own well being, but rather for the ability to brag about being a hipster-doofus, that is when I lose all respect for them. Twenty years ago the “hip” thing was to walk around saying things like “I never watch TV,” because that made you seem “too cool for the room.” When people would bring up “Cheers,” the hipster could grunt and talk about how much he liked to read (and then go home and watch “Cheers” on his VCR). Way to go. Ten years ago it was all the rage of the anit-establishment crowd to poo-poo the internet and e-mail, scoffing at such advancements and announcing that you were perfectly happy with your “Day-Runner.” Jerk. Today, we have the bedroom TV Nazis. What’s next? Here’s an idea, try defying society and the laws of physics by staring directly into the sun each day for 20 minutes. That’ll cure your hatred of TV problem eventually…
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