Home
Rob
Arnie
Dawn
Producers
Features
RAD Store
Rob Williams
Rob's Soapbox
SOAPBOX ARCHIVES

Congratulations!

You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something...

 

January 8th, 2007

VERBAL RAPE; THE CRIME OF 2007

Since I'm writing this in America, circa 2007, I have to first "disclaim" myself into oblivion to appease all of the politically correct amongst us; so here goes: Rape, as commonly and rightfully defined is a horrific crime akin to, if not worse than, murder. It robs its victims of their lives and happiness sometimes forever. It also is a crime that has nothing to do with sex, but rather has to do with issues ranging from personal power to insecurity to brutality.

The word rape, however, does not just have to apply to the sexual crime prevalent amongst our streets. For those of you who don't believe it's a common crime I submit to you a slew of statistics proving otherwise:

rape happens more often than you think it does, click here for more information

The word "rape" can also apply to the pillaging of land, as the 4th definition of "dictionary.com" alludes to when it defines the word "rape" in the following manner:

4. an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.

Additionally, rape can refer to the unwanted taking of anything from anyone, as defined here:

8. to seize, take, or carry off by force.

Alluding to the above definition, for example, are the verbal rapes that occur ad nauseam whenever anyone is out in public these days. Every day, more and more of us have our personal space and personal business seized on and taken from us by total strangers.

To whit, I present you the following evidence: This is not about just me and my hatred of all things people. A growing number of us have reached our fill of those of you who believe it is ok to violate of our space and personal business by engaging in what you hide behind calling "just being friendly," when you are, in fact, verbally raping us. If you think I am overstating things, use my logic in reverse. If a man was to walk up to a strange woman in a bar and, without invitation, slide his hand up her skirt, wouldn't that be considered a form of rape? Of course it would. Even if that woman looked at him and batted her eyelashes, that would still not be a legal or socially acceptable invitation for the man to penetrate her in any way.

Similarly, my presence in a check out line or an aisle of a store does not provide you the opportunity or invitation to walk up to me, engage me in conversation and violate my private affairs. Even, by the way, if I pleasantly smile at you, similar to the batting of the eyelashes in the previous example.

Many of you attempt to refute this position by idiotically showering me with clichés about the fabric of society and being friendly to your fellow man, blah, blah blah. Others simply try to demean and dismiss me personally by saying false things like 'you're just not a social or friendly person." This is typical of disagreements in America today. Rather than confronting the argument, people either deflect from the logic of someone's position, or simply attack the messenger. The truth is that I love a friendly, social culture. Doors should be held open for strangers, smiles should be given as you walk by and everyone should feel safe to ask for assistance from their fellow man. None of those things entitles you to know what I am making for dinner, why I am buying flowers for my wife or how I am spending the weekend.

This is not a new position for me. I have been speaking out against the verbal rapes that have been running rampant through our culture for more than 10 years. Comments about what I purchase, what I wear, what I drive, what I say and who I am with have been thrust upon me by store clerks, random strangers and others for decades. Just to clarify, these are not listeners who are honestly curious about the life of the guy that they listen to on the radio; these are complete and total strangers who feel entitled to my business.

More and more people are coming to my side. Friends, colleagues and total strangers continue to recount for me examples of verbal rape that occur to them on a seemingly regular basis. Here is a portion of an e-mail sent to me by a female friend after a recent day spent running errands:

"Rob, I had to send you these that happened to me yesterday and today... because I know you enjoy people talking to you randomly about as much as I do.

So, first, I'm at the store last night buying hair dye (because my hair is freaking brown... it's not that tricky to color it. The hair dye is clearly also brown. You know, it's not that tough to tell because there's a picture right on the box of exactly what I'm going to look like). Anyway, so there I am with my few things and the chatty-Cathy 12-year-old check out boy (who has not stopped talking to every person in line) rings me up and says "What color are you dying your hair?" My gut response was... "#1 Not your business. #2 Obvious, look at the freaking box. #3 Shut the hell up. #4 Not your business." What I actually said was... "brown." He said, "Oh that's great, you'll look great with brown hair." Umm hello???? I have brown hair! I wanted to go back and buy some tampons and stand in his line just to see if he would ask me if I was having a heavy flow day!!!!!"


I know, I know… don't even write me with your silly defenses of this store clerk, as I have heard them all before. The most common defense will be that he is "just doing his job," usually implying that whatever store he works for has demanded that he engage customers in "friendly conversation," thus forcing him to find things to discuss. I will grant you that many businesses in a misguided attempt to provide what they think is "Customer Service," have ordered employees to engage their customers. However, common sense and decency must still apply. Patting a woman on the ass could be defended as a form of "just being friendly," and was, in fact, considered almost acceptable in American culture as recently as 50 years ago. No one today would tolerate that behavior under the guise of "customer service," and nor should we tolerate asinine comments about peoples' hair dye either. Had this boy clerk in my friend's example been raised and taught right he would have engaged in what we call "small talk:" Hi, how are you today? Did you find everything ok? Is there anything else I can help you with?

These are the questions of actual customer service because they all imply that the clerk is there to SERVE the customer, not harass her.

Now, back to my friend's email...

"Then, today, I'm at the frame store because I have some pictures that my niece took at Thanksgiving... she's quite the aspiring photographer and some of them are very good pictures so I got them printed up nice for her and got some nice frames to go with them. They're also just generally nice pictures of the family. So, because I'm looking for frames and they have to look right with the pictures, I have the pictures out. One of the pictures is of my nephew, and it's a really cool shot of just his eyes. So, I've got that picture out and I'm sort of laying it into frames, etc., when the annoying 'helper' lady clerk comes and asks who the picture is of. Now, I know better than to respond, but I did anyway in spite of my better instincts. I say, 'My nephew.' She says, 'You need to tell him he's getting a unibrow' !!!!! I looked at her and I said, 'He's 9. I don't think he's that worried about it.' CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS PIECE OF SHIT BITCH FACE WHORE!!!!!

As you can see, some of my friends have similar tolerance levels for this behavior and we are forced to use one another as sounding boards for this unacceptable verbal rape. Had my friend actually said half of what she was thinking, my friend would have been the one considered to be rude.

As I write this, I have just returned from a visit to the grocery store where I was verbally raped and found myself, the victim, having to defend myself in the aftermath. While quietly gathering tomatoes for the dinner I was preparing, there was an old man (probably 75ish) also gathering a different kind of tomato to my right. I was picking out what are called "tomatoes on the vine," which were being sold for $3.49 per pound. The elderly man was rifling through beefsteak tomatoes on sale for $1.99 per pound. As I gathered my tomatoes, never making eye contact with the gentleman, he suddenly looked at me and said, "Do you realize how expensive those are?"

Well isn't that nice? He either thinks I am poor or illiterate. What a nice man, don't you think? At the very least, he thinks that it's his business to comment on my financial irresponsibility and the very galling (to him) fact that I am willing to pay $3.49 per pound for the best tomatoes in the store.

I did a quick spot check. I was wearing, as usual, very nice clothes and jewelry. I wasn't decked out in a suit, but even an out of touch senior could see that I wasn't short on cash, so I really doubt that he thought I was poor. He may have thought I was illiterate, but that's just not likely. Who would reasonably presume such a thing based on looking at me? No, I decided, he was just morally opposed to someone having the audacity to knowingly spend such an "outrageous" amount on fruit. Based on that summary, I decided to ignore him completely. It wasn't less than 10 seconds after I had turned my back and walked away from him that I heard him exclaim to his wife, "Well, that was certainly rude." Once again, a case where someone injected themselves, uninvited, into my affairs, finds a way to make me the rude one.

You see, part of this wonderful topsy-turvy world we now live in demands that we tolerate rudeness because if we rise up against it, we are the ones being rude, unsocial and intolerant. Imagine such a world. Nevermind, you don't have to imagine such a world... you already live in it. If some nosey jerk asks me what I am making for dinner, I am defined as rude if I choose not to share that personal business with him. Awesome. Soon, self defense of your home will make YOU the murderer, not the masked gunman who broke in. I can't wait to live in such a grand utopia.



Back To Top
SOAPBOX ARCHIVES
ROB ARNIE & DAWN