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| Rob's Soapbox | ||
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Congratulations!
You have finally landed on the one page on this entire site (and on the entire internet for that matter) that is purely without bullshit... my soapbox page. There are a lot of times during our show that, whether it's because of time constraints and other obligations, I don't always get to address some issues that I feel don't get the attention they deserve. There are even more times when I just don't feel like waiting until the show the next day to get some things off my chest. Thus, I have started the "Rob's Soapbox" page. If you have clicked on this page looking for someone to coddle your fragile sense of self-esteem, or tell you what you want to hear or to reinforce your outdated world view, then exit this page right now and go somewhere else. If you are in search of the last forum for reason and common sense left in the world, then sit back, relax, and enjoy. I make only one promise with this soapbox page... if you read long enough and often enough, you will eventually be offended. So here's my latest soapbox. Listen up, 'cause you just might learn something... |
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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008 WORST SHIRT EVER There are certain people you meet along the way in life that wholly, fully and utterly scream out at you “I am a tool!” One such example crossed my path last week while my wife and I were vacationing in Napa. We were finishing up a visit to Domaine Chandon, a sparkling wine producer on the southern tip of the Napa Valley in Yountville. Chandon offers an upstairs sitting bar where customers can relax and enjoy glasses of wine and they also conduct bi-hourly tours of the facility, a truly mind numbing 90 minute experience at any winery once you’ve done it one time. As my wife and I were making small talk with the employee downstairs (after tasting some wine earlier in the bar, the worker was bagging up our purchases), in walked the aforementioned tool. There are, of course, a variety of ways to make an ass of ones self. This guy seemed to have the full gamut at his disposal. For starters, he was a balding, stocky man of about 50 years old (though he clearly still thinks he’s 30), wearing a t-shirt, Docker shorts, white knee-high socks and flip flops. Oh, and he had his sunglasses on while inside the building as well. So far, the tool-meter is off the chart. At Chandon, when someone comes in the main door, they walk directly into an information desk manned by an employee ready to direct the customer towards the restrooms, sitting area, tasting area or touring area. It is not only figuratively impossible to miss this area; it is literally a near-impossible act of physics to go around it without speaking to the greeter. As tool-man walked in, he darted past the information booth and walked confidently as though he were “Mr. Chandon” himself towards the staircase at the rear of the room. For the record, let’s be clear; if you’re going to act like you own a place, make sure you know anything about the place. As this tool walked towards the stairs, with his loser gaggle of friends and/or family in tow, the employee beckoned him with a polite, “excuse me,” which got the tool to turn around with his right index finger in the air and proclaim in the most Caucasian voice ever “We are here for the tour!” Picture, for audio purposes, the famous Eddie Murphy “banana in a tailpipe” line from “Beverly Hills Cop,” and then make the voice 1000 times more white and you’ll be close to this guy…if you add in a sprinkling of George McFly. After being informed that he was going the wrong way AND needed tickets for the tour he strode our way (to the employee next to us) and made an asinine attempt to regain some form of credibility by saying loud enough for the whole room to hear, “well, that’s not the way it was the last time I was here.” To which, by the way, the employee helping us informed us was totally inaccurate since they have conducted tours in this exact fashion “forever,” according to the worker. Making matters slightly more embarrassing for this idiot in question was his “do you know who I am” attitude as he pronounced that he worked for “Merryvale” winery, which in the wine world is akin to bragging to Metallica that you are the lead singer of Rascall Flatts. Alas, the tool turned and there was his t-shirt for all to see. My wife rolled her eyes and laughed out loud while I just mouth-breathed my way into a hyper-ventilative coma. “Got Hope?” it said. Underneath were the words, www.barackobama.com Big surprise. Only a dork of such monumental proportions would wear such a shirt. Not because he supports Obama, per se, but rather for the message he is buying and selling. I am no fan of Barack Obama. For that matter, John McCain is hardly an impressive presidential choice either, but there is something so vacuously missing from Obama that he sends chills up my spine in a way that only the ugliness of Miley Cyrus can match. Despite my apathy for the candidate, however, I do not loathe people simply for their following of Obama. I do, however, loathe most of them for their reasons (or lack thereof) for believing in the man. I can at least respect someone who supports Obama because he is, for example, pro-choice and the person supporting him is a one-issue voter. In that example, they have a concrete, albeit myopic reason for their support of him. I can even understand and respect an Obama supporter who says “I always vote Democratic and he’s my candidate,” for in that example the person is not defending Obama, but rather is towing the party line. While I don’t abide by such thinking, at least there’s a linear chain of thought that I can follow. I cannot and will not respect the overwhelming majority of Obama supporters who spout off total drivel and nonsense when asked to defend their support of the man, culminating with the platitudes of “hope and change.” This brings us back to this dopey shirt, the latest in a long line of stupid parodies of the infamous “got milk,” campaign. This comedy trend peaked when hot middle aged women wore “Got MILF” shirts and the ideas have been getting worse ever since, culminating with this horrendous “got hope” garment that visually raped me at a Napa winery. Nothing defines the overwhelming majority of idiotic lambs following Obama more than that shirt: - For starters, it’s neither funny nor creative. It is simply appallingly stupid, yet I am sure that the tool wearing it thinks it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. - Secondly, it literally defines the entire basis for Obama’s campaign; his followers HOPE that he’ll be a good president because the man has no record of any kind to point to in any way to justify why he should be running for president of an Elk’s lodge, let alone the country. - Thirdly, and most importantly, it is intellectually insulting, just like 99% of the reasons Obama followers give you for supporting him (insert idiotic platitudes about hope, change, not being Bush and we being the ones we’ve been waiting for here). The “got hope” message is the latest in a long line of stupidly implicating positions that nauseates the senses for the simple fact that EVERYONE has hope. Asking, even rhetorically, if someone has hope is like offering them a sample of atmosphere. Hope is literally the very reason we all get out of bed in the morning. Those who don’t have hope kill themselves. Have you ever read a suicide note? It almost always includes the phrase “I have lost all hope,” or a version thereof. We all have hope, fuckwad. This is the same jacked up line of thought that somehow implies that there is a large segment of our population that is not pro-environment or anti-war. With the exception of total psychopaths, every single person on the planet is, by definition, an environmentalist. We may all disagree on how best to foster and preserve the Earth, but no one is in favor of dirty water, dirty air and winter temperatures in the low 300’s. Or to take the argument to its most asinine end, who in the hell is in favor of destroying the very celestial body that they live on? The answer, of course is no one. Similarly, short of even despots and dictators there is no one who craves or desires war and claiming otherwise in a lame character-assassination method of pitifully trying to prove your point by name calling those who disagree with you is a fundamental non-starter and intellectually insulting all at once. Soon, anyone who opposes Megan’s Law will simply be called a pedophile and forced to register as a sex offender. These dopey attempts at shaming people into supporting your position are beneath mankind and make some of us actually sympathize with Al Qaeda’s position now and then. Alleging, even in something as seemingly innocent and mundane as a t-shirt, that there is no hope without Obama is more than stupid, it is galling. America has endured far worse than 12 years of Republican presidencies (Christ we survived 4 terms of FDR, the most overrated leader in history), and we will do so again. Let’s not continue this charade of making Barack Obama into a messiah. It degrades America and false idols simultaneously. ----
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