Wednesday February 9th, 2006

"TOP 5 BEST WAYS TO BREAK-UP WITH SOMEONE"

Criteria: It's Valentine's Day, so let's talk love, shall we? One of the best things about a relationship is the end of it, so we decided to list the 5 best ways to do so. Our only rule was that these had to be legal ways to end a union. Murder is an option, but not an advisable one.

Overview: Some of these we've done, but that wasn't part of our criteria for listing best ways to end a relationship.

Rob's Notes: I spent my 20's jumping from girl to girl to girl, literally. Many times they got far more attached to me than I was to them, so I am experienced at ending things. I am man enough to say that the best way to do so is face to face with honesty…but it's also the least fun or creative way.

Arnie's Notes: I know these things are all very childish, but they work. They only work though if you do it all the way. You can't do any of these half ass. I mean get sent to jail, don't just act like it. If it takes getting an escort to pull off the whole thing in public, believe me it's worth it.

Rob's Top 5

5. Fake your own death, complete with a fake funeral and a newspaper announcement

4. Be an ass, intentionally. It's a classic male maneuver because it works.

3. Get caught cheating on them (it's low, but it works)

2. Pretend that you've moved (like for example, claim that you're now doing your morning radio show from Las Vegas, via satellite and have your overweight partner lie for you).

1. Sit down and tell her face to face why you're ending things, like a man.

 

HONORABLE MENTION

*Be an ass around their relatives or friends

*Tell them you have an STD

*Girls only: get pregnant

*Guys only: Get someone else pregnant

Arnie's Top 5

5. Fake your own death

4. Get sent to jail/prison

3. Video yourself breaking up with her, then mail it to her.

2. Change your cell #, and move, and then get another job.

1. Show up somewhere you know she is going to be, but you show up with a date.