Wednesday December 19th, 2007

TOP 5 WORST THINGS ABOUT CELEBRATING THE NEW YEAR

Overview: We are always on vacation during the new year holiday so we rarely get to pontificate on just how awful and stupid the entire celebration is. Having parties and getting drunk to celebrate the changing of a page on a calendar is a stupid human tradition that should be stopped.

Criteria: Anything that traditionally revolves around New Year’s eve and New Year’s Day.

Rob's Notes: New Year’s eve is nothing more than amateur night; an event designed to allow idiots that don’t know how to drink, how to have fun and/or how to celebrate anything, have a night of their own. Even when I was 21, I hated New Year.

Arnie's Notes: Look here, fireworks for New Years are stolen from the 4th of July damn it!!!!!!!!  The horns, bells and whistles aren't enough for you people???? So you have to steal something from one of the greatest days in history? And hey all you fat girls, here's an idea, instead of kissing a poor unsuspecting guy at midnight rap those lips around some Haagen Daas instead, the guy wants to puke after tasting your leg of Moose you just wooolfed down.

Rob's Top 5

5. Fireworks at midnight; some of us are asleep because we know that the whole thing is meaningless…these people should be arrested for disturbing the peace.

4. Kissing unattractive people at midnight (they usually initiate it because midnight on New Year’s is the one time of the year oral rape is allowed…this is how herpes is spread).

3. Auld Lang Syne. Worst song ever. It basically means that our best days are behind us, what a crappy, depressing song to “ring in” a new year.

2. Everything involving the East Coast. Getting calls at 9pm from New York relatives saying “Happy New Year,” is retarded as is calling them (unless you do it at 3AM their time which is just funny). Also, watching TAPED DELAYED New Year’s celebrations! The damn ball dropped 3 hours before we actually see it, you idiots.

1. All people that think that turning the page on a calendar does anything to change the fact that they are losers with pathetic lives. This includes anyone that makes a resolution, anyone that wants to “put the year behind them,” anyone that proclaims the upcoming year will be a “fresh start,” and/or anyone that says the new year will be different.” Saying things out-loud does not make them true.

Arnie's Top 5

5. Staying Up Late

4. Parades

3. Watching how other Countries Celebrate

2. All the Kissing

1. Fireworks.