Earlier this week Oprah, Tyra and Dr. Phil did shows on domestic violence. A few things stood out with this often times misunderstood problem.

1. Verbal and Mental abuse ARE abuse. Just because you are not being hit does not mean you aren’t in an abusive relationship. Abusers control in many ways, not just with physical violence. They will call you nasty names, tear down your appearance, make you change things about yourself to suit them, keep you from friends and or family, use threats to scare you just to name a few. They will do all this in the name of ‘love.’ None of that however is love, love is NOT abusive.

2. Abusers can be very charming. This is one of the reasons so many stay with their abuser. One day they are calling you names and tearing you down and then for the next week or two they are telling you all the nice things you want to hear, they are showering you with gifts, they are making you feel so special and getting you to believe they have really changed, remember we call this the Honeymoon phase. All in all life is great with you two. Then in an instant the abuser goes back to abusing and the roller coaster ride starts all over again.

3. The moment of truth. This has nothing to do with your abuser; this has to do with you. Meaning if you really knew your self worth, if you really knew you deserved better you would not stay with such a person. You believe you deserve this treatment. Yes of course their abuse is uncalled for, it’s sickening and there is no excuse for it and if you really believed in yourself you would not stay. It is so important to face this truth because we then otherwise shift our energy to our abuser, hoping they will change instead of us making the changes to leave.

4. For the abuser this is about power and control over you, it’s NOT about love. Love is NEVER abusive. A relationship that is healthy disagrees without violence, name calling or control over the other person. There is mutual respect in the disagreements, you place your differing views on the table and are safe to do so, and there is no walking on egg shells, no power and control used on you, no abuse.


Regardless of what your abuser tells you there is help out there for you, you deserve the help; you deserve to know there is a better life waiting for you, a Wonderful Life!!